Thursday, November 17, 2011

Back In My Head

With all of the new guys I met this year, I forgot about Morgan. But it only takes one simple look to realize that I miss him, and another look to see him holding hands with his girlfriend and realize how much I like him. And when I say that I miss him, I don't literally miss him, because we barely talked. I just miss those chemistry classes, where even though if I knew nothing was going to happen, at least I had hope. I could look at him, and have him RIGHT THERE. Now fate took us apart, and we have no classes together, but I see him all the times in the hallways. I try not to pay attention when he comes by, but sometimes I just can't. And today, I had him right in front of me for a while when we were walking in the hallways, and I realized that there is nothing I can do to forget him, and nothing I can do to have him either, because he doesn't just have a girlfriend: he really, really likes her.

It also hurts because I am leaving in two months, and probably nothing is going to happen. I had faith that for once in my life, the ONE that I really wanted was going to at least friend me on Facebook. And I had faith that God was at least going to give me the chance to have something with Morgan, after all of the things that I've been through in the past year. But as usual... things did not go the way I planned them. And now I'm going to go back to Argentina, never talk to Morgan again, never see him again, and just forget I've ever felt something for him.

And you know what hurts the most? Knowing that at some point, I did have a chance with him, and I just didn't know it. There was a day, somewhere in November of 2010, where he was right in front of me, giving me the chance to do something, and I don't even wanna remember what I did because it literally makes me wanna commit suicide.

My options are forcing myself to let him go, wait and cry until he breaks up with his girlfriend (which is probably not going to happen in the next two months), or just embrace the fact that whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly. Like my favorite quotes says: "If you really need him, fate will bring him back. It might no be soon, but he'll be back"

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