Sunday, October 16, 2011

Start All Over

Sometimes I feel like I cannot find the meaning of life... I mean, like nothing makes sense, like everything goes wrong, like everything is happening the way it is not supposed to happen. I try to be positive, but sometimes life just disappoints me. The problem? Me. I expect too much. For some reason I am not the kind of person that just let things flow. I don't enjoy whatever life brings, I look for the things I want. For example, I like Sam, so that's all I want. If another guy comes, I am not even gonna pay attention because I want Sam. And apparently, it is not meant to be with Sam, but I don't care, I still like Sam. And I am gonna wait for Sam. And Sam is gonna be the Sun of my solar system. Sam is gonna be everything. But nothing is gonna happen with Sam. And then I end up like I am now. Disappointed. Frustrated. Depressed.

I need to understand that things are never the way we want them to be. Life and fate do what the hell they want with us, and that is the way it is supposed to be. I need to back up, relax, just enjoy every second even if nothing special is going on. Because at the end of the day, fate is always right. We might not be able to see that now, but eventually we will, like Steve Jobs said: "It was impossible to connect the dots when I was in college, but it was very clear ten years later. You cannot connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect your future. You have to trust in something, your God, destiny, life karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well known path. And that will make all the difference". 

I just gotta think that everything is gonna go the way it is supposed to go, the way it is gonna be best, at the right time, at the right place, with the right person, and for the BEST REASON. 

So I wanna start all over. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to school, and I am not gonna walk the way where I know I'm gonna see Sam or Morgan; I'm not gonna be spying at Sam while we are in lunch. I am not gonna wait outside Astronomy class just to see Sam when he goes to physics. I am not gonna do all those crazy things. I am gonna be normal. If it is supposed to happen, if I really need Sam, fate will bring him back; it may not be soon, but he'll be back. Believe in the unexpected.

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