It is really stupid how I still think about the guy I met in Puerto Rico. It is stupid, because there are 99.9999999999% of chances that I will never ever see him again. And knowing how obsessive I am, I can see myself thinking about that day in the pool for the rest of my life. I had him right next to me, and I was not able to do anything. I looked for him all around the hotel, I lied to my dad, and then he realized that I was randomly walking around the lobby just looking for this kid, and I got in trouble because he started joking and everything was really awkward, and I wanted to cry because I knew that I was never gonna see him again, and because the last time he saw me I was looking like Ugly Betty and stuff, and everything was a mess.
I know I talked about him before, and I know I said I was gonna let fate decide. I know I said I was gonna wait. I know I said everything happens for a reason. I know I said that "whatever will be, will be". I know I believe in all of those things, but that doesn't take away the pain or the doubt. The doubt about wondering if he is really what I expect him to be; if my mind is not making everything up; if he was really that hot or I am just idealizing; if, if if... I fell in love with something I don't even know, and with something I don't even have. And the worst thing is... I am starting to forget his face, I really am. So I am in love with something I don't know, and all I know is that I am supposed to like him, that's it. So this is freaking sick because even if we ever are at the same place at the same time, I am not gonna know he is him because I am not gonna remember him, I don't know his full name, I don't know where he lives... nothing. This is... frustrating and stupid. It is not logic at all.