Wednesday, October 12, 2011

So Close, Yet So Far Away

It kills me the way you ignore me.
It kills me the fact that you know I exist, but could not care less about my existence.
It kills me to have you right there, so close, but yet so far away.
It kills me that I lie to myself
Trying to find signs
Once again, trying to believe you feel the same way

It hurts me that this is never gonna happen
It hurts me that I will always be looking at you
And you will always be looking at somebody else
It hurts me that you don't notice me when I walk right next you
Specially when I walked the long way just to see your face

We belong to different worlds
And I am not strong enough to go to yours
I always wait for guys to come
And I always end up with boys I don't want
This story ain't gonna be different
And someday I'll leave without memories or stories about you 

That's enough.

I tried to write a poem to express my feelings like I used to do, but that doesn't work anymore. When I feel something, my mind just cannot wait for my inspiration to find the right words and put them together on a beautiful and romantic song. No. My mind needs to spit them out. So that thing above this, was my attempt of pretending to be Shakeaspeare, and it did not work. That's why I blog. Because I can just write whatever I want, the way I want it, without rules, without rhyme, without anything. Just the way I want it.

So going back to the point: I feel frustrated about Sam. You know how horrible it is to walk the long way just to see him, to have some kind of eye contact, to say hi, or whatever, and then walking next to him without him even realizing? You know how it feels to be completely ignored by someone? It definitely makes sense... just because we have math together doesn't mean he "knows me". He knows I exist, that's for sure; he just doesn't care about my existence, which is what hurts the most (and now that I don't wanna write a poem, the words naturally rhyme. See? that's my bipolar mind. Ok, stop).

Today I actually realized that I don't care about Morgan anymore. Now it is all about Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam.

The worst thing is that I still don't learn my lesson. I still misread the signs (like the other day when we were at lunch and he was looking at something over the zone where I was sitting, and I thought it was me). I still think he likes me just because Cupid aimed right this time. Guess what... he doesn't. Remember, if a guy likes you, he is gonna let you know about it. Cupid is still aiming at the wrong guys (those weirdos that I talked about the other day). Cupid still doesn't give a shit about who I like or who is right for me. Cupid better not exist cuz if I ever find that little pain in the heart, is gonna have serious issues with me.

Moving on... I am being sarcastic and funny, but I don't feel like that. Maybe I do, because at this point, after Jason, Jake, Mason, Morgan, and Sam I think I don't expect love to come to my life anymore, so I kinda just laugh it off.

But it still hurts, seeing him right there, so close, but yet so far away. Knowing that there's nothing I can do. Nothing that I am capable of. Knowing that once again, nothing is gonna happen. Knowing that no matter how many times I walk right next to me, he is never gonna care, and he is never gonna know.

No comments:

Post a Comment