Unexpected

So I kinda need to talk about some things....

Apparently there is a new guy, but I'm not gonna give him a nickname or a label or anything because he is not that important at all. It all started with my best friend telling me that there was a guy interested in me back in Argentina, considering the fact that I'm going back in 29 days... She told me he is really close to her, that he is like a brother or something. She has a few guy friends that are like brothers to her so that wasn't a big clue. In that moment I remembered the fact that the day before, one of those guy friends talked to me randomly on BBM but I didn't really care because I would never expect him to be interested in me, I've known him for a while so why would he be wanna hook up or something now? Besides, he is the kind of hot popular guy (out of my league). So anyway, we kept talking, and she kept giving me clues. At the beginning I thought she was talking about a really ugly guy, but deep inside, I was second guessing about the guy that talked to me the day before. And then she said he plays rugby and he was in a serious relationship before but they broke up. And that was just too obvious, it was definitely the guy. It felt so weird because like I said, I would have never expected him to like ME. The thing is, he doesn't like me. He probably wants to hook up and nothing else. He is really mature and stuff, but he dated a girl for like 3 years so he probably just wants to be a player, which is why I don't care about the situation. Even if it feels weird, I think I would hook up with him too, I mean he is really hot. So I think we might want the same thing.

Of course, it didn't really take long for me to get kinda obsessed with it. I don't know why, I don't like him, and he is just my friend, I never thought of him in a different way, so to be honest I don't like HIM, I just like the idea of HIM. Because he is one of the closet guys that could be the perfect guy. He is not perfect, he is just CLOSE to being the stereotypical perfect boyfriend. That doesn't mean he is perfect for me though.

So I am trying to calm down about it and just let it be and let it flow. Whatever will be will be. But something deep inside myself keeps telling me how funny life can be sometimes... because somehow, life always throws at me better things than the ones I was expecting. So yeah, sometimes you need to stop fighting so hard for what you want, and lay back for a while and just trust fate and the beautiful surprises of life. And that's the greatest thing about the whole situation: I don't care about him, I just care about how everything turned out after Morgan, Cody, Sam, etc, etc. Like I always say, the unexpected always takes our breath away.

To Infinity... And Beyond

 
When I look at the sky at night, I wish I could see more than what it is shown, more than we can see from Earth. I wish I could see whatever is happening million of light-years away from here. Whatever is going on over there, it is beautiful, it is extraordinary, and sadly, we will probably never gonna get there, and we are never going to be able to experience it. We are not even able to see it with the naked eye. I hate that. My passion for the universe is too big to see only around a few hundreds of stars. I wanna see beyond that. I hate that God or Nature only want to show us a tiny part of the most beautiful thing ever made. And I hate it even more that technology makes it even worse. I live in New Jersey, like 30 minutes away from NYC, the only lights that I see in the sky are planes and the moon.


There is just so much left to discover, so much left to see, to experience, to feel, to love... there is just too much out there that we just don't know. We can imagine it, we can dream about it, but there are some things that we don't know yet, and some others that we will never know.

It is not just the Universe. It is life in general. We just don't realize how small we are, how insignificant we are compare to the whole creation of life or to whatever this is. Even the greatest minds like Einstein, Da Vinci, or whoever are insignificant in this 14-billion-year-old Universe, that has no limits, and that contains an infinite amount of stars, planets, galaxies, kinds of life, etc. How small are our problems compare to that? 

I wish sometimes we could just see the whole picture, like getting out of this Universe and see everything from the outside. I think we might get a whole new different perspective about life. I wish we could get out and see how small everything is, but at the same time, how important it is, and how much it matters.

When I go through a tough time, I just cannot see outside the box, and I get trapped. I end up dawning in a glass of water.  That usually happens because I don't know better. If I could just see how stupid that issue might be, or how beautiful life is, everything would be different. One of the main things I hate about certain religions, like Christianity, is how ignorant they are. It is just the way they ignore some things, and the fact that they love to ignore them. But then I realize that we are all like that. Just like the sky at night, there are times where we cannot see beyond our naked eye, and we do not realize how may beautiful things are out there, and we get stuck in those few hundreds of stars. If some people wouldn't have wondered about what's a little bit further away, we would know nothing. But one day, a bunch of smart guys decided to create telescopes, to investigate, to discover, to know better, to improve... and it is amazing what they found: millions of stars, new worlds, beautiful galaxies... they just found stuff that they never imagined they would find, and that they had never ever seen before.

I think the whole creation is the same thing in different scales. Inside every single thing we see, there are atoms, inside those atoms, there is a nucleus with electrons going around it, just like the planets go around the sun, and just like the sun goes around the Milky Way, and just like the Milky Way moves withing its Local Group of galaxies, and just like that Local Group moves throughout the Universe. The same thing happens in our bodies, there is blood that goes around our veins, going the same exact path over and over again, from the heart, to our bodies, to the heart again. This is why I always compare the Universe with life. They are the same thing, in different scales and with different characteristics, but at the end of the day, they are the same, created by the same thing, whatever you wanna believe in. No matter how long your life is, it is a big thing where you gotta discover stuff, learn about them, and learn from them. Life is probably the longest thing we are ever gonna experience, just like the Universe is the biggest thing we are ever gonna know.

So treat your life the way scientists treat whatever there is outside Earth, or even within the planet. Go beyond whatever you see, go to the unknown. It obviously takes time to find those beautiful and amazing things, but once you find them, you realize that they are worth the time you spent. Just picture a NASA scientist spending decades and decades looking at stars, seeing the same thing every night, feeling frustrated, until one night, he can finally experience a Supernova, or the creation of a Star, or a Nebula, or an UFO. Do you know how amazing that would feel for him? Well, look for the Supernovas of your life, for the Alien that will complete your existence, for the explanations that will answer all of your questions, for the planet that satisfies your necessities, for the star that makes you shine everyday, for the nebula that makes you happy. There are so many things out there that we just don't know, and that we are not even willing to find...

Remember: the sky is not the limit, it is just the starting line.

Start All Over

Sometimes I feel like I cannot find the meaning of life... I mean, like nothing makes sense, like everything goes wrong, like everything is happening the way it is not supposed to happen. I try to be positive, but sometimes life just disappoints me. The problem? Me. I expect too much. For some reason I am not the kind of person that just let things flow. I don't enjoy whatever life brings, I look for the things I want. For example, I like Sam, so that's all I want. If another guy comes, I am not even gonna pay attention because I want Sam. And apparently, it is not meant to be with Sam, but I don't care, I still like Sam. And I am gonna wait for Sam. And Sam is gonna be the Sun of my solar system. Sam is gonna be everything. But nothing is gonna happen with Sam. And then I end up like I am now. Disappointed. Frustrated. Depressed.

I need to understand that things are never the way we want them to be. Life and fate do what the hell they want with us, and that is the way it is supposed to be. I need to back up, relax, just enjoy every second even if nothing special is going on. Because at the end of the day, fate is always right. We might not be able to see that now, but eventually we will, like Steve Jobs said: "It was impossible to connect the dots when I was in college, but it was very clear ten years later. You cannot connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect your future. You have to trust in something, your God, destiny, life karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well known path. And that will make all the difference". 


I just gotta think that everything is gonna go the way it is supposed to go, the way it is gonna be best, at the right time, at the right place, with the right person, and for the BEST REASON. 

So I wanna start all over. Tomorrow I'm gonna go to school, and I am not gonna walk the way where I know I'm gonna see Sam or Morgan; I'm not gonna be spying at Sam while we are in lunch. I am not gonna wait outside Astronomy class just to see Sam when he goes to physics. I am not gonna do all those crazy things. I am gonna be normal. If it is supposed to happen, if I really need Sam, fate will bring him back; it may not be soon, but he'll be back. Believe in the unexpected.