He Just Doesn't Give A Shit. Period.

So I finally saw X. It’s been almost two months since myfriend told me he texted her telling her he was starting to like me and Ifinally saw him like two weeks ago (I haven’t had time to post this earlier).

It was weird. That’s for sure.

I didn’t really know what to expect because everybody wastelling me he liked me and stuff, but he never really did anything except forbbm-ing (that verb probably doesn’t exist) me once. So I knew it was going tobe awkward to go to his house because he probably knew that I knew about himliking me or whatever, and I’m sure he also knew that I knew he knew about it(wtf?). Sounds confusing but you get my point. It’s like we both kneweverything, but nobody said anything so it was just… awkward.

Now… you must be wondering if he took the chance, since Iwas at his house, to do something. And the funny thing is that, no matter howexperienced, shameless, brave, and confident he looks, he barely talked to me.It was like I was not even there. He spent the whole night making the pizzasand then playing cards with some other friends, and he didn’t even say hi to me.After a few hours, I was at the pool with some other kids and he came and satnext to me and joined the conversation and helped me with my blackberry orsomething, but he never even tried to show me a little bit that he is trying toget with me. So it’s confusing because I don’t know if he lied to my friends,if my friends lied to me, if everything is some kind of joke, if he reallylikes me but I look like some kind of monster who is going to bite him orsomething, I don’t know what the hell is going on.

After I left his house the first thing my friend Jo saif tome was “What the hell is going on with X?” because he acts like he knows how todeal with girls and then he is scared to even talk to me.

But I have a whole new perspective on this type of stuff.After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” and hundred thousand times, I amnot going to start trying to figure out what’s going on in his mind. If youlike me boy, come and tell me or do something to let me know how you feel. Ifyou don’t do anything, then you don’t like me. That’s how it works. If he actslike he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. So that’s how I’mgoing to look at this whole situation. And if he does give a shit but he’s tooscared to show it, which according to my new perspective that just CAN’T HAPPENbecause guys are not girls, then he has to show me somehow how he feels andfight for me. I know he’s hot, and he knows he’s hot, but doesn’t mean that Iam going to come for free, that easy. No, no. You like me? Show me. Fight for me. Talk to me. Flirt with me. I don’tknow, LIKE MY PICTURE ON FACEBOOK OR JUST DO SOMETHING. Do not tell the wholefreakin world that you like me so then they are gonna tell me about it, if youare not willing to DO SOMETHING about it.

So I hope I left things clear. And for now, there’s nothingbetween us and he just doesn’t give a shit. And I don't give a shit either. This is a non-shit-giving situation.

Afraid Of Love

I realized that I’m scared of boys. I want them when I don’thave them, and when fate finally brings them to me, I get scared and runaway.  It’s frustrating and it makes mehate myself.

What happened was something that anybody who reads my blogis going to believe: Mason asked me out to the movies. I don’t know if he didit on a friendly way or what, but he is showing pretty clear signs and I thinksomething might happen soon. He texted me, chatted me, he even bbmed me. The thing is… the moment when he asked me out,even though I got super excited on the outside, something deep inside startedto feel uncomfortable and I started to wonder if he is the guy I really want,if I really like him, if he’s what I think he is, etc, etc etc. Bullshit.Because I do like him, and even though he is not perfect, he is sort of what Iwant. The problem is that it scares the shit out of me.

The same thing happened with Jake. Months before he startedtalking to me I used to say he was the “perfect guy”. Then, out of nowhere, hefell in love with me and I started to have my doubts and I pushed myself tofind things I didn’t like about him. And of course, nothing happened, which ismainly my fault, because even though I always say he was the one who neverasked me out, I’m sure that even if he did ask me out, I would have foundexcuses not to go.

And then Mr X. Well, that’s a whole different story, buteven though I never really liked him, I did think he was also the “perfectboyfriend”, and then, also out of nowhere, the guy starts liking me and what doI do? Think about all of the reasons why I should not like him back.

So yes, I admit I am scared and that’s why I am foreveralone. But I know that deep inside I like the three of them, and I’m gonna haveto deal with my insecurities, other wise I’m going to miss out on three reallygood guys.  

Weekend

 

 (with one of my best friends, Val)

I had such an amazing weekend, I literally didn't stop. Friday night I went to a nightclub with three friends (no comment about this). Saturday night I went to two parties and then to a nightclub in downtown with 5 friends and it was soooo much fun, and then it started to rain, like pouring rain, and we were walking in the middle of the streret which was some kind of river, it was the funniest thing ever, I almost peed myself because I couldn't stop laughing. It was 5 am and we were running looking for some kind of roof, and then a friend's brother had to pick us up, it was just so much fun! Then Sunday night I went to a friend's house to have pizzas with friends and it was also really nice.

And during the afternoons I just hanged out with friends, tanned, enjoyed the warm weather, went to the mall, etc etc etc.

I am having the time of my life and I am really happy because all of these is what I get for following my heart. 

Now let's talk about boys.

On Thursday,  Mason texted me, chatted me, and called me to plan something for the weekend (with some other friends), which couldn't happen because I ended up going out with girlfriend, but the fact that he even called me made my day.

I saw X over the weekend, and I expected him to flirt with me or something, and no, he completely got scared and didn't do anything.

And Jake was at one of the parties that I went to on Saturday, and I hate myself for not saying hi to him. I really wanted to see him. I feel like feelings of the past are starting to come back to life, and I don't know why. I don't understand if I am starting to like him again, or he just means a lot to me and I want to see him. I don't know, the thing is that I keep thinking about seeing him again all the time.

I also told my mom about these three boys, which is sort of weird cuz I never really tell her stuff. I guess I just missed my mom a lot while I was in the States and I want to start enjoying her a little bit more.

Tomorrow I'm going to Uruguay for like a week and a half and it sort of hurts to leave my city because I am really having fun, but it is just for a few days, then I'm coming back and I am staying home until forever, I don't ever want to leave again, at least for a few years. After college, I know the world is going to be waiting for me, but for now, I LOVE CORDOBA (ARGENTINA).

but the real question is... why do I want his attention so bad, if I don't really want h i m ?

I had a dream with him last night. It's the third time this week, and I don't know what the hell is going on but I can't stop smiling when I think about him.

Getting Interesting

Well, some new things happened with that guy I talked about the other day.

After I posted that, I realized that it couldn't be true, and even if it was, it was not a big deal. He was not doing anything, and I always say that if a guy likes you, he is going to make it happen. So I figured he probably just wanted to hook up and nothing else, and that I had to stop thinking about it.

Last night all of my friends had a party, including him, and my best friend talked to him about it. They were both drunk, but according to my friend, he said that he would like to have some kind of relationship with me :| (wtf). And then he had some weird statuses on facebook and bbm such as "I'll wait for you" or "your eyes don't see me", or stuff like that. I normally would think that's corny, but now I actually think it is kinda cute. And my friend keeps insisting that he really means those things.

As weird as this might feel, I'm starting to like the idea I must confess. I don't know if I would like to have a serious relationship with him, I can't even think about it when nothing has happened yet, and when he is just my friend, and when I'm so far away, and when I have a few other guys that I would like to hook up with, but he is cute, and he knows what he is doing when it comes down to girls, so maybe... just maybe... I might play along.

I was also thinking about creating a label for him in this blog, the thing is, nothing really happened yet, and once I create the label, I can't really erase it because a label means that it was part of my life, and he is not really part of anything, he is not really that important. I'm getting my hopes us, and SOME things are happening, but I don't know, I feel like it is not the right time yet to make him part of this blog. I don't even know if he's ever gonna be important enough to make it here, I mean, if a guy makes it to a label on this blog, he made it pretty far in my life, so I should let him fight for that spot a little bit more... and we'll see how far he can get.

Hey Jude - The Beatles

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na na na, na na, na na na na

Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na, na na, na na na na, yeah

___________________________________

And I think I should create a label for this guy...

Unexpected

So I kinda need to talk about some things....

Apparently there is a new guy, but I'm not gonna give him a nickname or a label or anything because he is not that important at all. It all started with my best friend telling me that there was a guy interested in me back in Argentina, considering the fact that I'm going back in 29 days... She told me he is really close to her, that he is like a brother or something. She has a few guy friends that are like brothers to her so that wasn't a big clue. In that moment I remembered the fact that the day before, one of those guy friends talked to me randomly on BBM but I didn't really care because I would never expect him to be interested in me, I've known him for a while so why would he be wanna hook up or something now? Besides, he is the kind of hot popular guy (out of my league). So anyway, we kept talking, and she kept giving me clues. At the beginning I thought she was talking about a really ugly guy, but deep inside, I was second guessing about the guy that talked to me the day before. And then she said he plays rugby and he was in a serious relationship before but they broke up. And that was just too obvious, it was definitely the guy. It felt so weird because like I said, I would have never expected him to like ME. The thing is, he doesn't like me. He probably wants to hook up and nothing else. He is really mature and stuff, but he dated a girl for like 3 years so he probably just wants to be a player, which is why I don't care about the situation. Even if it feels weird, I think I would hook up with him too, I mean he is really hot. So I think we might want the same thing.

Of course, it didn't really take long for me to get kinda obsessed with it. I don't know why, I don't like him, and he is just my friend, I never thought of him in a different way, so to be honest I don't like HIM, I just like the idea of HIM. Because he is one of the closet guys that could be the perfect guy. He is not perfect, he is just CLOSE to being the stereotypical perfect boyfriend. That doesn't mean he is perfect for me though.

So I am trying to calm down about it and just let it be and let it flow. Whatever will be will be. But something deep inside myself keeps telling me how funny life can be sometimes... because somehow, life always throws at me better things than the ones I was expecting. So yeah, sometimes you need to stop fighting so hard for what you want, and lay back for a while and just trust fate and the beautiful surprises of life. And that's the greatest thing about the whole situation: I don't care about him, I just care about how everything turned out after Morgan, Cody, Sam, etc, etc. Like I always say, the unexpected always takes our breath away.

Today

Everything can change in a blink of an eye