Forget Him, Remember Me

Yes, time to admit it. What am I waiting for? He is a jerk, and he is not gonna change. Not now. I mean, if a guy didn't show interest in you the first few days, then it means he is never gonna be interested, specially if he made out with someone else when he had the chance to do it with you, or when he is online but doesn't even say hi. Then yes, he is a jerk. But I'm a girl, and I was taught with Disney movies that guys can prince charming, therefore I believe that every single one of them is a good guy, when the truth is, prince charming is one in a million. But I still have faith, so I hope, and I expect too much from these kids. Very innocent, actually. I think I should start paying attention to the signs life is giving me, showing that I should just lose faith in guys. And that's what's happening, I'm losing faith with every single broken heart, with every single jerk.

98% of it it's my fault, let's face it. I made out with him twice and then I thought he was gonna fall in love with me just because he gave me one of the most amazing kisses ever. That's stupid. He used me, I'm older so he thought he was gonna fool around with me and fuck with my feelings and emotions. And as far as I wanna kiss him again and give him another chance, deep inside I know that I gotta let him got before this is all too much. But it is not really about forgetting about him. It is more about remembering myself. Because I gotta love me more than any other guy will ever do. And he can grab my hand and kiss me and look at me with those beautiful eyes, but I have to be strong, and I have to say no.

Yesterday he didn't even say hi to me in school, how weird (sarcastic). That made me sad, after what happened on Friday night I just thought he was gonna have a little bit of respect for myself and come and say hi. But he didn't. It was frustrating and that pretty much ruined my day (and some other things too). When I came back home, my friend Nick gave me the most amazing piece of advice ever, and that was exactly what I needed to wake up from that dream where I thought Robert was a good guy. He told me that the guy is just a jerk, he's always been that way, and that I can never lose myself or stop loving myself for a guy like him. That I need to be a little bit harder on him, and make him fight for me and see if he is really willing to do it. Then I said that my biggest fear was that if I stopped being easy with him, then he would just leave, because no matter what an ass-whole he is, I don't want our last kiss to be out last. I still want more intense kisses. I don't wanna give them up. But my friend told me that I was being stupid, because if he wouldn't fight for me a little bit, then he is not worth my time, my tears, or my kisses.

And then I talked to Robert's friend, who is also my friend, and I was telling him that I decided to start having more dignity and only hook up with boys who show to be interested in me and who are willing to fight for it, and he said "oh, so let's dismiss Robert then", meaning that he is not that kind of guy, or that he is only interested in hooking up, nothing else. You have no idea how much that hurt. But at least now I know his friend is gonna tell him what I told him, and if he really wants me, he is gonna do something about it, which is what I hope, but do not expect at all. I'm sure he gonna be like "whatever" and he is gonna go find some other girl.

But you know, that's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but everything happens for a reason. It is sort of frustrating, but I gotta love myself first before I love anybody else. And if he is not respecting me, it is my fault, because I allowed him to do that. I didn't respect myself and therefore he was gonna do the same thing. But... I know he liked it. I know that it was a waaaaaaaaay better kiss that the one he had with the other girl. I mean, he is probably not gonna admit it, but I know he is gonna miss me on Friday nights. Like, seriously? 40 minutes making out without stopping. You have no idea how passionate was that. It was amazing.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the future anyway, but at least I committed myself to make him respect me and at least pretend to like me a little bit.

GIRLS SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE PRINCESSES. DON'T EVER LET A GUY DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH YOU.

And what do I want? I want him to need me.

PS: This post was half written when I was super sad and upset, and the other half when I realized I was being dramatic and that "it's me before dicks". you know what I mean?

He Just Doesn't Give A Shit. Period.

So I finally saw X. It’s been almost two months since myfriend told me he texted her telling her he was starting to like me and Ifinally saw him like two weeks ago (I haven’t had time to post this earlier).

It was weird. That’s for sure.

I didn’t really know what to expect because everybody wastelling me he liked me and stuff, but he never really did anything except forbbm-ing (that verb probably doesn’t exist) me once. So I knew it was going tobe awkward to go to his house because he probably knew that I knew about himliking me or whatever, and I’m sure he also knew that I knew he knew about it(wtf?). Sounds confusing but you get my point. It’s like we both kneweverything, but nobody said anything so it was just… awkward.

Now… you must be wondering if he took the chance, since Iwas at his house, to do something. And the funny thing is that, no matter howexperienced, shameless, brave, and confident he looks, he barely talked to me.It was like I was not even there. He spent the whole night making the pizzasand then playing cards with some other friends, and he didn’t even say hi to me.After a few hours, I was at the pool with some other kids and he came and satnext to me and joined the conversation and helped me with my blackberry orsomething, but he never even tried to show me a little bit that he is trying toget with me. So it’s confusing because I don’t know if he lied to my friends,if my friends lied to me, if everything is some kind of joke, if he reallylikes me but I look like some kind of monster who is going to bite him orsomething, I don’t know what the hell is going on.

After I left his house the first thing my friend Jo saif tome was “What the hell is going on with X?” because he acts like he knows how todeal with girls and then he is scared to even talk to me.

But I have a whole new perspective on this type of stuff.After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” and hundred thousand times, I amnot going to start trying to figure out what’s going on in his mind. If youlike me boy, come and tell me or do something to let me know how you feel. Ifyou don’t do anything, then you don’t like me. That’s how it works. If he actslike he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. So that’s how I’mgoing to look at this whole situation. And if he does give a shit but he’s tooscared to show it, which according to my new perspective that just CAN’T HAPPENbecause guys are not girls, then he has to show me somehow how he feels andfight for me. I know he’s hot, and he knows he’s hot, but doesn’t mean that Iam going to come for free, that easy. No, no. You like me? Show me. Fight for me. Talk to me. Flirt with me. I don’tknow, LIKE MY PICTURE ON FACEBOOK OR JUST DO SOMETHING. Do not tell the wholefreakin world that you like me so then they are gonna tell me about it, if youare not willing to DO SOMETHING about it.

So I hope I left things clear. And for now, there’s nothingbetween us and he just doesn’t give a shit. And I don't give a shit either. This is a non-shit-giving situation.