Tonight

Well well well... let's talk about Friday Night. From the very beginning.

I went to the same night club where I made out with Robert a week before. It was me, Jousefa, and all of my friends. Jousefa has a thing with one of Robert's friends, who is also my friend, so she was obviously going to make out with him. And I was also expecting to make out with Robert, not just because I think he is hot, but also because the first time we hooked up, I was a little bit... you know. Anyway, so when we got there we saw them, but once again, Robert didn't even say hi to me.

After a few hours I saw him dancing with another girl, and I think they were making out. Tears came to my eyes :( so I told my friend that I needed to go to the bathroom, but she didn't know why. I actually went to a little terrace in the back of the nightclub. I sat down there and I started crying and trying to call my other friend Val. She never answered because it was 3 Am so I just stayed there, and I could hear THIS SONG (click there if you wanna hear it) in my head.


After a few minutes, I saw ROBERT coming to the terrace with the girl, who happened to be a friend of mine (we are just acquaintances actually). I tried to clean my face a little bit, and then she came to me and asked me if I had seen her phone because she lost it, and he was helping her to look for it. She didn't know about Robert and I, so she came near me, and HE sat next to me. It was an awkward situation because I had no idea what the hell was going on, and I had tears in my eyes, and he was with her. Then two other friends came to help her, and one of them stayed with me later to talk because he was also sad about a girl. At some point, Robert left with the girl and went inside. 


Then the guy who stayed with me said that we should forget about everything, go inside, dance, and have fun. When we were going inside, I saw Roobert with two guy friends going to the terrace, so I told the other guy that I needed to go to the bathroom, but I was actually following Robert. I acted like I didn't see him and he grabbed my hand and asked me if I was Ok, and I said yes, and then he asked me what I was doing there by myself and I didn't really know what to answer so I just said that I was tired, and then he asked me the key question: QUERES IR A DAR UNA VUELTA? (do you want to go to walk around?), and I looked at him, knowing he had hooked up with someone else before and that she was not there anymore, and what did I say? Sadly and luckily, both at the same time, I said YES. So he grabbed my hand again, we walked through the whole night club and we went downstairs, to a place where nobody else was, and then yes, we made out for like 40 minutes without stopping, it was... intense hahahahahaha. It felt amazing.


But what happened? After 40 minutes he said he had to go with his friends, and he left me. I went upstairs and I saw my friend Jousefa with her guy, and he was being super cute, unlike Robert, and I felt bad because I felt used. So later, I met a german guy that I had seen before at the mall, and I ended up making out with him too for like 5 minutes. But just to let Robert know that he is not the only one who is playing with someone, he made out with another girl, ok... fine. I MADE OUT WITH A HOT GERMAN GUY YOU EFFING ASSHOLE. 


After that night, he didn't even talked to me. So yes, he thinks I'm his dog and he can do whatever he wants with me, whenever he is bored, he is gonna look for me and he knows I'm gonna say yes because he knows I think he is hot. 


I mean, I could use him too. I still have X and Mason, so I could just make out with him whenever I see him and then forget about it, but the problem is that even if I try to do that, I know the more I make out with him, the more I'm gonna like him. I am not the kind of girl who can kiss a guy, see him in school every day, and then forget about it, because I know that's a game where I'm gonna end up losing. He is never gonna feel anything, but I know I will. So he is gonna fool around with my feelings, manipulate me, play with me, do whatever he wants with me, and then leave me like he did last night.

I wish I could have self respect and just let him go, but I don't think I can do that. And at the end of the day it is not really about him, it is about me. 

 "And my weakness is, that I care too much."