He Just Doesn't Give A Shit. Period.

So I finally saw X. It’s been almost two months since myfriend told me he texted her telling her he was starting to like me and Ifinally saw him like two weeks ago (I haven’t had time to post this earlier).

It was weird. That’s for sure.

I didn’t really know what to expect because everybody wastelling me he liked me and stuff, but he never really did anything except forbbm-ing (that verb probably doesn’t exist) me once. So I knew it was going tobe awkward to go to his house because he probably knew that I knew about himliking me or whatever, and I’m sure he also knew that I knew he knew about it(wtf?). Sounds confusing but you get my point. It’s like we both kneweverything, but nobody said anything so it was just… awkward.

Now… you must be wondering if he took the chance, since Iwas at his house, to do something. And the funny thing is that, no matter howexperienced, shameless, brave, and confident he looks, he barely talked to me.It was like I was not even there. He spent the whole night making the pizzasand then playing cards with some other friends, and he didn’t even say hi to me.After a few hours, I was at the pool with some other kids and he came and satnext to me and joined the conversation and helped me with my blackberry orsomething, but he never even tried to show me a little bit that he is trying toget with me. So it’s confusing because I don’t know if he lied to my friends,if my friends lied to me, if everything is some kind of joke, if he reallylikes me but I look like some kind of monster who is going to bite him orsomething, I don’t know what the hell is going on.

After I left his house the first thing my friend Jo saif tome was “What the hell is going on with X?” because he acts like he knows how todeal with girls and then he is scared to even talk to me.

But I have a whole new perspective on this type of stuff.After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” and hundred thousand times, I amnot going to start trying to figure out what’s going on in his mind. If youlike me boy, come and tell me or do something to let me know how you feel. Ifyou don’t do anything, then you don’t like me. That’s how it works. If he actslike he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. So that’s how I’mgoing to look at this whole situation. And if he does give a shit but he’s tooscared to show it, which according to my new perspective that just CAN’T HAPPENbecause guys are not girls, then he has to show me somehow how he feels andfight for me. I know he’s hot, and he knows he’s hot, but doesn’t mean that Iam going to come for free, that easy. No, no. You like me? Show me. Fight for me. Talk to me. Flirt with me. I don’tknow, LIKE MY PICTURE ON FACEBOOK OR JUST DO SOMETHING. Do not tell the wholefreakin world that you like me so then they are gonna tell me about it, if youare not willing to DO SOMETHING about it.

So I hope I left things clear. And for now, there’s nothingbetween us and he just doesn’t give a shit. And I don't give a shit either. This is a non-shit-giving situation.

Afraid Of Love

I realized that I’m scared of boys. I want them when I don’thave them, and when fate finally brings them to me, I get scared and runaway.  It’s frustrating and it makes mehate myself.

What happened was something that anybody who reads my blogis going to believe: Mason asked me out to the movies. I don’t know if he didit on a friendly way or what, but he is showing pretty clear signs and I thinksomething might happen soon. He texted me, chatted me, he even bbmed me. The thing is… the moment when he asked me out,even though I got super excited on the outside, something deep inside startedto feel uncomfortable and I started to wonder if he is the guy I really want,if I really like him, if he’s what I think he is, etc, etc etc. Bullshit.Because I do like him, and even though he is not perfect, he is sort of what Iwant. The problem is that it scares the shit out of me.

The same thing happened with Jake. Months before he startedtalking to me I used to say he was the “perfect guy”. Then, out of nowhere, hefell in love with me and I started to have my doubts and I pushed myself tofind things I didn’t like about him. And of course, nothing happened, which ismainly my fault, because even though I always say he was the one who neverasked me out, I’m sure that even if he did ask me out, I would have foundexcuses not to go.

And then Mr X. Well, that’s a whole different story, buteven though I never really liked him, I did think he was also the “perfectboyfriend”, and then, also out of nowhere, the guy starts liking me and what doI do? Think about all of the reasons why I should not like him back.

So yes, I admit I am scared and that’s why I am foreveralone. But I know that deep inside I like the three of them, and I’m gonna haveto deal with my insecurities, other wise I’m going to miss out on three reallygood guys.  

Happy Valentine's Day... I guess

"Mejor sola que mal acompañada, asi que prefiero estar sola esperando al principe azul, antes que acompañada por un sapo"

This is for that one time when I posted something about those kids stalking me and sounded really mean.

"He's always been a jackass. And somehow, even he is married" - He Is Just Not That Into You

"In movies, the popular girl is always mean, but her boyfriend (who plays american football) is sensible and miserable because no one understands him, and then he falls in love with the ugly loser". Naah, that never happens.

Representation of my love life

Forever Alone II

Yeah well, apparently Mason is having a thing with a girl who is literally a whore. My friend saw them making out after school, but they are not dating, they were just hooking up, but whatever, it is kinda the same thing. On the other hand, I think Sam has a thing with someone else too, and even if he doesn't have a thing with anyone, he still doesn't give a crap about me, so same thing. Morgan is still practically married to that girl he was dating over the summer. Uhmm... I don't even talk to Cody anymore either. And now even Jake forgot about me and is dating someone. So yeah, I am the forever alone bitch.

The only person that talks to me are these weirdos. One of them invited me a few times to the movies, and invited me to grab lunch with him the other day. Is it so hard for him to understand that if I said "no" twice without re-scheduling is because I don't care about him? And then we have this other fucking creeper who stalks me, talks to me all the time, smiles at me like he is about to rape me, and tells me all the time that my profile picture on Facebook is pretty. At the beginning I was nice to him, but now I'm like "get the hell away from me".

Why do I get weirdos? Why do I get guys that I would never ever like? Even if those guys were the last men on Earth, I would rather die alone and virgin before giving these kids a chance. I know, I sound really mean. But I am tired, I am tired of this whole thing. I never get the hot guy, the cute guy, the sexy guy. I always get the weirdo who takes advantage of the fact that I am new and that I look like a nice person and starts creeping me out. They take advantage of me, and it is freaking insulting. Do I look like I wanna date someone as anti-social, creepy and weird as you? No! Why don't they go and ask the leader of the cheerleaders out? Because they know she is gonna reject them if they are not "normal". So that's when they think "oh, Lola is probably gonna say yes. She looks like she is nice. She wouldn't reject me". Seriously you jackass? Do I look stupid? Call me a bitch, you can say that my heart is like a rock, or you know what? You can say I don't even have a heart. I don't give a shit. I just want to get FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE the guy that I want. Not the ugly one who doesn't even have personality. (And don't get me wrong, when I say "normal", I mean a normal person. I love original people, I love outstanding guys, I love funny guy, I love unique guys, but between the limits or normality, you know what I mean?).

So I was watching the movie "Bad Teacher" with Cameron Diaz today, and the movies shows this nerd liking the popular girl who rejects him, and then Diaz said a quote that really helped me understand this whole thing:

"Okay, here's the deal, man. I cannot keep sugar coating this for you. This girl, is never gonna be interested in you. Never! You clearly have a rich interior life, with the poems and the whatever. But, she wants a guy like Ian what's his face! Ian Mental-bomb, the rapper? Yeah, he's a fucking mo-ron! But she doesn't care. She's superficial and her priorities are all fucked up! She likes him because he's hot dude. You...are sensitive. And that's not a compliment"  

Yeah, that's the thing. I like jerks. Jerks are hot. Jerks have this sneaky way of getting to your sensitive point. Somehow, they manage to say the right words that are gonna get ya. They are sexy, the look interesting, they look... they look like men. And I think that what most girls love, is to feel like a bad guy fell for them, like the hot guy is gonna become a good guy for them. And deep inside, they know it is not true, but they still like it. A relationship with those hot popular guys is like an adventure, we are taking the risk of getting hurt, of getting heart broken, and we love that. Yeah, I don't like poetry, I don't like it corny or cheesy, I don't like it romantic... I like it simple. I like it sexy. 

I am deeply sorry to all of those hearts that I broke. It was not my fault, just DON'T PUSH A GIRL'S BUTTONS. I don't care if I have to be single for decades, but I am going to wait for my Mason, for my Morgan, for my Sam, for my Jason. I am gonna wait for the guy I wanna have. I am not gonna be satisfied with the creepy one. No. I am gonna go get my hottie. Am I superficial? Maybe. Are my priorities fucked up? Yeah. Do I fall for hot guys? Hell yeah. And I don't care what anybody else thinks. But I reached the highest point of my calm side. Since 7th grade, awkward guys are asking me out and stuff. This is it. I am so not gonna get insulted by a bunch of weirdos. Hell no. I want to get the guy that I like. And you know what, hot guys are not always mean, or jerks. Hot guys also have a good heart. 

The thing is, I don't want a single candy. I want the whole box. And while I wait for the whole thing, I am not gonna enjoy the candy that fell from the sky. I am gonna fight for what I want. A cheap candy is never ever gonna be enough for me. 

 That's the reason why I am... FOREVER ALONE. 

PS: I sounded like a bitch the whole thing, and I hope someone can understand my feelings right now.

My Super Duper Fun Saturday

M&M's, BBM, movies, and music... that's the single life baby

I blame my high expectations on men to this 5 guys

Forever Alone

Well, the fact that Jake is now dating someone, reminded me that for some reason I am still alone, lonely, single, SOLA, by my self, on my own, without anybody, however you wanna call it. That made me feel sad. I mean, how did Jake get someone before me? I'm not saying he is ugly or anything, I mean, he is kinda hot according to my 15 year old self. My point is, I came to the US to meet people, to find people, to meet hot americans, and I am still single. How did that happen? Am I doing something wrong here? Am I THAT ugly? I'm confused...

But like I always say, I'm Forever Alone dude... I'm used to it. At this point I just stopped complaining. And from now on, I'm not even gonna wonder why I'm still single...

At least I can date this picture:

Yeah, I know. I'm a weirdo. When you don't have a guy to go out with, at least you can pretend to date a picture of a hot guy right?