Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Yesterday was an awful day, but like I said, sometimes you gotta cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. And that's what I did. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt any more knowing that Robert doesn't give a shit about me and that I completely looked like an idiot in front of him but now at least I don't need to cry all the time like yesterday. I am a persistent person, and sometimes I never stop waiting for something to happen. Only a few things can exhaust me and one of those things is when I feel like I'm not being treated like I deserve, which is why Saturday was the finish line. I waited two weeks for this kid to do something and I've been through this a thousand times, and I'm tired. I'm tired to be crawling and begging to be loved. If he doesn't like me, I can't push him to do so. He has to realize whether he wants to lose me, to just hook up with me, to talk to me, to respect me, whatever. And he hasn't done any of those things. He just kissed me and took me for granted, like he does with every other single girl. You know, I have so many other better options... I know HE is the one I want right now, but at the same time, I also want to have DIGNITY. So if he can't even say hi to me in school, or look at me, or show me that he remembers who I am, or "like" my picture on facebook just for the hell of it, then I'm not gonna be crying and waiting for him. He doesn't deserve it.
So guess what. It's over. It still hurts, it really does. But what hurts the most is how I made myself look in front of so many people, because I love myself way more than I want him, so this is it. And for the record, I'm not gonna forget and walk away. I'm gonna make him feel sorry for treating me like I'm some other slut. Maybe I behaved like one a little bit, but he never took the time to actually figure me out, so if he's treating me like a whore, THEN I'M GONNA FUCKING BE ONE. I'm planning to hook up with some other junior, I don't know which one, but I'm gonna make sure he finds out. He is probably not gonna care, but at least he is never gonna be the only one again. And for the record, I am not doing that for him, it is about me. I don't care if he is jealous or not, because he doesn't give a damn, but I am doing it to feel better about my stupidity of getting so caught up with a jerk so easily.
I repeat: it still hurts. But it will get better in time, just like it always does.