Monday, September 26, 2011
I am finally gonna talk about Mason and say what happened.
He is a guy that for one specific reason was not an option for me, even though I felt something for him. Sometimes he would show me that he felt the same way, but he knew why we could not let anything happen between us, so we kinda kept a distance. Deep inside, I really liked him. I was not really sure about his feelings, but that was good because if he liked me too, then we were both gonna make the mistake to hooking up and it was not the right thing to do.
I did not just like him because of his very attractive physical appearance, but also because of his personality. I don't know, he was exactly what I was looking for. But like I said, it was impossible. Which is why I always kept it secret, not just to people, but also to myself. I didn't want to accept it, because once I accept things, I get obsessed with them and I cannot get them off my head. So I just forgot about it.
Of course I felt butterflies in my stomach every time he would touch my hand, or say something sweet, or look at me with those beautiful eyes, or just have a long conversation with me like the ones we used to have about everything. But I just had to let it go.
I was not in love with him or anything. I mean, I was one step away from actually falling from him. And nothing ever happened that would push myself to take that step. Until this weekend. You know how one click can change it all? One "Like" on Facebook was enough for me to be weak like a peace of paper and take that step that I needed to just realize how much I like him. I can't really say what he "liked" on Facebook, but believe me, it was too obvious, I mean, it was a sign. It is not the kind of thing that you would like just to like something. No.
In that moment I freaked out, and I wanted more signs. I needed something else to realize that this was really happening. But no, he stoped there. (I know I'm being kinda confussing, but I can't really tell here what exactly happened, so I am doing my best).
I got upset with him for getting my hopes up but not doing anything about it, and that's why yesterday I posted stuff about guys being jerks.
The thing is... this is not his fault. I'm sure it was not his intention to make me feel like crap. He just clicked on something without knowing that he was not just clicking something on Facebook, but something else waaaaaaaaay deeper than that. He clicked something inside of me. But like I said, he did not know that. He probably thinks I don't even care. And there's nothing I can do, we are too far away.
What I've learned with this is that I was patient for a long time, I did not freak out about him, I did not get obsessed, and I always said "if it's meant to be, it's gonna happen". I waited for his signs, and they are finally starting to come. I gotta keep my cool, and who knows what the future has....