Friday, September 30, 2011

Happy Birthday

Well... happy birthday Jake! 

It feels weird. I miss him, specially today. But not in a romantic way, I just miss HIM. Talking to him, knowing how he is doing, and just knowing that he was there for me, because he really was a good friend. It meant the world to me that after a year of leaving Argentina he kept talking to me. I miss that. And today it is his birthday and I know that he forgot about me, which is fine, but it is sad that he could not handle a friendship with me. In part, it was my fault. I was the one that kept a distance, but because I needed him to know that I didn't like him the same way. But that doesn't mean I don't like him at all: I like him as a friend and as a person. 

Like I said, today it is his birthday and my birthday wish is not gonna mean what it meant last year because he has someone else that will give him the best birthday wish ever. I am not jealous, don't get me wrong. I am beyond happy for him. He truly deserved someone who liked him back and who could give him everything that I just couldn't. He is really a good guy.

I wish we could still talk to each other without it being awkward, or without expectations of something more. I wish I could just hug him, because he was a big part of the last year and a half. I know I deny it all the time, but he really meant a lot to me, just let me repeat it one more time: not in a romantic way, not in the way he wanted me to like him.

He could not handle a friendship with me, and I also could not handle the whole situation. Instead of letting him know how I really felt, I just stopped talking, and I treated him like he was nothing to me (like I always do), and that is probably one of the biggest mistakes I've ever done, because I threw a good friendship away. I swear I would send him a BBM right now telling how much I wish him a happy birthday and how much he means to me but no, I have to write on his wall saying "happy birthday" like everyone else, like he meant nothing to me, like he is a just some random dude, and I am some random chick and we don't even know each other.

Yeah, well... that's life.

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