Tonight

Saturday night looked like it was going to be an amazing night and I didn't end up crying just because I had to pull it together.

It was the first party for seniors (there's one every month) and with my friends we had to go as sexy clowns. We sort of looked like whores, but whatchu gunna du? Anyway, so my boys were all gonna be there, so at least something had to happen with one of them.

We all were in the same bus, all of my friends, the girls from the other class, and the junior guys (including Robert). When we were going to the party, Charly started kissing me on my cheeks, and then he tried to kiss me on my lips, twice. Both times, I turned my face around to stop him, and I said "NOT NOW". Since he has a BIG EGO, he turned around and started making out with another girl, in front of me.

Then I saw Robert, and he didn't even say hi to me, and he ended up making out with some other girl.

And then Charly made out with another girl and he came to me and said "You deserve it", like "now I'm with someone else MUAHAHAHA" you fucking idiot.

All I wanted him to do was have a little bit of respect for me and treat me like a lady. He never did that which is why I'm so upset.

It's like everything is going wrong. And then Val chatted with Robert's friend and he said that Robert didn't really care about me, he just kissed me because I was looking for him.

I spent the whole day crying today because it hurts, it really does, and nobody understands me. But what I was trying to do was to cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it, you know what I mean?

I HATE BOYS.

But at least I had fun with my friends, we looked sexy, and I danced a little bit.

C H A R L I E

Aside from everything that is going on with Robert, Charlie finally showed me how much he likes me, but IN AN EXTREME WAY. Yesterday, he spent the whole day throwing indirect at me. He even asked everybody if we look good together, and he told one of my teachers we were dating.

If he would have done everything a few weeks ago, I would be the happiest person ever. But I waited for him to do something for two months, and now there's someone else. Charlie said we were gonna hook up on Saturday (there's a party at a nightclub) but the truth is that I'm gonna be waiting for Robert to do something, and since Charlie is my friend, I don't wanna have him as a second option. Besides, I felt super awkward and uncomfortable with him on Monday, so I don't know how this is gonna go.

Today

So today the first person I saw was Baby. It was awkward because he is shy as hell, he didn't even look me in the eyes. I was walking in the hallways and I saw my friend who is also his friend so I went to say hi to him and the first person I go to say hi to was Baby. After that awkward moment I said hi to all of his friends and they were all laughing. The funny thing is that Baby didn't even say hi, he was sooo nervous. It was frustrating :(

And then, after school, I went to the mall that is a block away to look for one of my friends, and when I went to the food court I walked by his table where he was eating with his friends, and EVERY SINGLE FRIEND looked at me and laughed, while he was looking down super nervous.

I mean, I don't know what the hell is going on. Tonight I'm going out to the same nightclub where we hooked up and I hope he is there, but I don't even know if something's gonna happen because he can't even look at me.

But there's a small detail I didn't tell here. When we were making out he was drunk, and then he said he was feeling sick and he puked. I was there, nothing happened to me, but I saw it, and I think that's the reason why he feels so embarrassed. I don't know.

Anyway, I REALLY REALLY HOPE I see him tonight, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

On the other hand, I sit next to Val, who sits next to X. And then after school he texted me asking me about my first day of school in Argentina and then we talked for a while and he was kinda cute, but he still doesn't really show anything. 

Overall it was an amazing first day of school, I just hope Baby stops being so shy because I'm not done with him yet.