"How do you know what is a dream if you never accomplished one? How do you know what is an adventure if you never took part in one? How do you know what is anguish if you never said goodbye to your family and friends with your eyes full of tears? How do you know what is being desperate, if you never arrived in a place alone and could not understand a word of what everyone else was saying? How do you know what is diversity if you never lived under the same roof with people from all over the world? How do you know what is tolerance, if you never had to get used to something different even if you didn’t like it. How do you know what is autonomy, if you never had the chance to decide something by yourself? How do you know what it means to grow up, if you never stopped being a child to start a new course? How do you know what is to be helpless, if you never wanted to hug someone and had a computer screen to prevent you from doing it? How do you know what is distance, if you never, looking at a map, said “I am so far away”? How do you know what is a language, if you never had to learn one to make friends? How do you know what is patriotism, if you never shouted “ I love my country” holding a flag in your hands? How do you know what is the true reality, if you never had the chance to see a lot of them to make one. How do you know what is an opportunity, if you never caught one? How do you know what is pride, if you never experienced it for yourself at realizing how much you have accomplished? How do you know what is to seize the day, if you never saw the time running so fast? How do you know what is a friend, if the circumstances never showed you the true ones. How do you know what is a family, if you never had one that supported you unconditionally? How do you know what are borders, if you never crossed yours, to see what there was on the other side? How do you know what is imagination, if you never thought about the moment when you would go back home?
How do you know the world, if you have never been an exchange student?"

Yes, I Have A Life!!

So the reason why I haven't been blogging as much is because I finally have a life! I go out every single day! I have to get deeper into that actually but I am really loving it here! Nothing interesting happened yet with anybody, but I am just having a lot of fun and starting to remember what it feels like to actually go out with friends and have a social life. I don't regret my decision at all, and like my reader Jasmine said, my experience in America was a lesson I learned and an experience I will never forget, and now it is time to move on and enjoy life.

So now I can say that I know I followed my heart when I made my decision, and I encourage my 12 followers and the rest of my readers to do the same thing, because it is the only way to never regret anything.

I'll post some pictures tomorrow because I'm going to a night club with friends today! :D

Moving

Some people have been asking me where I am moving and why. So for the ones that read my blog but don't really understand what's going on I'll make it easy: I am from Argentina, I lived there my entire life. My dad and his family are Americans and when he divorced my mom he came back to his country, so when I was 15 I decided to come to live with him for a while to be with him, his wife, and my sisters, and also to study abroad, which was something I always wanted to do. So lived here for around a year and a half. I had my ups and downs but it was definitely the best thing that happened in my whole life. Since this is my house, I mean, my dad's house, which is sort of the same, I had the chance to decide when I wanted to go back to Argentina, and I even had the chance to stay here forever (that's the amazing thing about having two homes in different countries). I was supposed to go back in July but I ended up staying 6 more months because I felt like a year was not enough. Now it is time to go back (tomorrow!!), and that's why I'm so stressed out and with so many mixed emotions and feelings. I am excited to get my old life back, but at the same time leaving everything I have here in the States is really, really hard.

Thank you for reading my blog, it means a lot to me that many of you actually comment and email me to give me advices or to tell me that you feel related to the things I write. Writing about my experience and getting to interact with other readers was definitely one of the best things. At the beginning this was supposed to be a blog about my year in the States, but it ended up being some kind or journal, so I'll keep blogging no matter where I am :)

Out Of Control

So I'm leaving in three days. My life is a mess right now. First of all I'm stressed out and I feel lost because of the fact that I am moving to another country and that just makes me feel weird. Then I had to say goodbye to my whole family today, which was sad. Third, I still haven't packed yet. Fourth, I am tired, physically tired and I know it is because of how stressed out I am. Fifth, I've just talked to my mom and she didn't even ask me how I'm feeling about it and she was in some sort of bad mood. Sixth, I needed to talk to my dad about some school papers, and some other things that I need to get done before I leave and he was too busy playing a computer game with friends, and he told me leave the papers in the kitchen, that he was going to take care of them later, he pretty much kicked me out of his room. Seventh, my friends have no clue how this whole experience feels, and all they talk about is what we are going to do when I get there (even though it is a couple of days from today, I'm still on the other side of the world, I couldn't care less what I'm going to do when I get there, I'll see later). Eight, I need to talk to someone about all of these weird feelings, and nobody seems to care or understand. Ninth, my room is a mess, and that makes me feel even crazier. Tenth, my hair a is mess because I didn't put a special cream after shower, so I need to get it done before I go to bed, and that's gonna take me at least 30 minutes. Eleventh, I am still going to school until Tuesday, and I have some sort of quiz in math tomorrow. twelfth, before I leave I gotta go to the doctor and send my Argentinian exams. Thirteenth, on Tuesday is my dad's bday and I still haven't got him a card. Fourteenth, I need to go to the mall to Sephora to buy make up that I can't get in Argentina.

Overall, everything is out of control right now, and I don't know where to start to fix everything. I love traveling, but I hate this period of saying goodbye, packing, enjoying my last days, and those things. It stresses me out, and it is really sad for me to handle it alone. This time I promised myself to be strong, because this is the life I got, and it is divided in two whether I like it or not. I'm always going to have to say goodbye to one part of my family in order to say hello to the other part since my parents live in two different hemispheres, so I just need to get over that and stop crying every time I leave the States or Argentina, other wise I'm going to end up emotionally destroyed.

So well, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up next week in Argentina. No more packing, no more goodbyes, no more hellos, just wake up in my normal life in Argentina because this is stressful as hell.

Well, I need to start putting my life together so goodnight.

Surreal

I can't believe I have a week left in America. I can't believe this experience that I planned my entired life is almost over. Time goes by faster than we think, and one day we wake up and realize that everything is gone and everything is different.

The only thing certain that I've learned, is that everything changes. Pain doesn't last forever. Sometimes happiness decides to take a vacations a leave us a for a while. People come and go. Even love ends eventually. Everything changes, and now my life is going to change one more time. It feels surreal, and somehow, I still don't feel too many things about it, which is weird. I feel like I'm in denial and I still can't realize that I only have 7 days left and then everything is over, and a new beginning awaits me in Argentina. I still haven't even started packing yet because I feel like the moment you start packing is the moment where you start saying goodbye, and I want this goodbye to be a shortest as possible. I've been through it before, and I am not good at goodbyes, I feel like a little bit of me dies every time I have to say goodbyes to someone or something.

Yesterday I was talking to Isabella (my three year old sister) and I told her that I was going to go on a plane to Argentina, and she asked me if I was going to be back soon, and I didn't know what to say, because even though I am going to be back eventually, it is not going to be soon. And how can I be strong enough to tell my little sister that her big sister is not going to be back soon? How can I go through that without crying? "No one will ever understand how much it hurts" said Rihanna, and she was right. Sometimes nobody else can understand how it feels and you have to deal with it on your own.

But I made a promise to myself. I promised to be stronger, to be braver, to do it with attitude, and to deal with it. I promised to be my own savior. I am not going to rely on my family, friends, music, art, or whatever. I am going to save myself from pain. I want to be able to enjoy and let the pain go. We can't have it all, and sometimes it is hard to chose, but we need to be happy with our decisions. I still don't regret anything and I am going back full of hope and faith that this is going to be one of the best years of my life.

But before the Argentinian parties, and the joy of senior year, I have to pack, and go to that airport and say goodbye to the past 16 months. I want to leave with a smile, knowing that it was worth it. I want to take this experience as something amazing that happened to me, not as another reason to cry. I will miss everything, and this seriously became my second home, but it is time to go back and do the things I need to do, because sometimes, you gotta take a step backwards in order to take two steps forward.

So that's basically how I feel. I didn't even try to make sense with the words I wrote because there is something in me that doesn't make sense. It feels so B I T T E R S W E E T (and that's a word that I will probably use many times) and I feel far away from myself, like I don't understand anything and I am lost. It feels S U R R E A L, like it is not really happening. There are just 7 days left and I feel like that's an eternity, but it is actually one simple week.

Since I've been through this before, and since I know myself enough to know that I am not good at this, all I can say right now is... stay strong Lola. Every little thing is going to be alright.

Today

I only have two weeks left in America and finally, it is starting to feel real. I am starting to feel what I felt when I came in 2010 and I have to admit that saying goodbye it is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I've been through this before, and all I can ask for is to be able to handle it better. I promised I was not going to cry, because when you cry it's like you make the pain official, and I don't want to feel pain (even though I will). I just want to enjoy what is yet to come on 2012. It hurts, it really does, but I can't say how happy I am I was able to go through this experience. It was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my 17 years of life. And even though it hurts to say goodbye, I don't regret my decision. Life is what we make it, according to Hannah Montana, and I am determined to make it happy and enjoyable. I am really scared about what the future has for me, and I hope I can come back to the states after college and live in New York or Los Angeles, go to grad school or whatever, and do what I want to do. And most important, be able to do all of those things as an adult looking back at my teenager years with joy, not with regrets.

So there is only two weeks left, and it is going to get harder and harder, but all I can do is enjoy every single second of those weeks, and do everything I was not able to do before.

2011 Thank you

Just like last year I am going to write a brief description of each month. Overall, this was an amazing year. I did feel very, very empty in some situations, I missed my friends, I missed my life, at some point I really hated many things of this new world, but after all, I could not be more grateful for having this amazing chance. I got to meet so many cool people, and now I can say that a part of me belongs to this country. 2011 taught me a lot of things, but most important, it made me feel like a part of me is American not just because my dad was born here, but because now I have a history in this country, I had my crushes, my friends, my tears, my smiles, and my memories. 20 years from now I am not going to remember the people I didn't like, the moments I wanted to go back and party with my friends, or the essays that stressed me out... I am going to remember how proud I felt of myself, of doing it until the end, of not giving up, of overachieving my goal, of having the guts to go to an american school and speak out loud with my spanish accent, of learning another history, another language, and another culture, of learning how to survive in situations I would have never imagined I could get through. I am so thankful or this year because it was the most productive year of my life, I will never forget it, and most important, I will never regret a single thing of it. Thank you 2011.

January: the year started with 2 feet of snow, it was the first time that I could actually be in my house and have that much snow outside. School was alright, chemistry was starting to get really hard, I remember I did really badly on my mid terms, but it was ok. At the same time, I had volleyball with Morgan in our gym class, and Eryn was also there, so it was kinda perfect. I also met Cody this month.

February: The first marking period ended and I started my new elective, Entrepreneurship, were I made a new friend, Julie. My gym class was also divided into two, so I couldn't be with Eryn anymore, but I ended up with some popular kids like Elsa, Terri, Allison, and Katelyn, and of course, Morgan and his soccer friends. Nothing really happened though, but not having to get dressed for gym anymore was pretty cool.

March: Lexi was born, and my grandparents came to visit! It was also my birthday and I turned 16!

April: Health ended and now we had to pick new gym classes. My whole class was going to ADT (advanced weight training) but it was only for athletes, so I had to beg Mr Cicotelli to let me go to his class, and he was really nice so he said yes. It was my favorite gym class of all times. I was in a group with Elsa and Katelyn and Morgan was there every single there lifting weight. It was S E X Y. haha.

May: and it was finally warm after the snow of April! I had a lot of fun during this month. I finally felt like I belonged in my school. I loved my Italian class, entrepreneurship was pretty cool, the weight room was fun, and the other classes kept getting better and better. The only problem was my first oral presentation in English class for 40 minutes with Mary Ellen. It was awkward and I had never been so nervous in my life. Besides, the teacher and the other kids didn't make me feel better at all. But I got through it and it was alright.

June: It started with Kristin's Sweet 16 where I just had a lot of fun and I met thousands of people from my school. Then came Puerto Rico, where I fell in love with a stranger, dear Morocho. Then I came back, I had the finals, where I didn't really do that well, and then school was over. It felt kinda sad to finish school, because I was just starting to love it, but there was nothing I could do about it.



July: by far the worst month. My dad was upset with me because I didn't find a job so I didn't have my computer and I was basically in my house all day doing nothing. Just getting tan and going to the gym. Morgan started dating someone, so it was the month where I lost my chances with him, if I ever had chances. Argentina also lost the Copa America, which was S A D.

August: I got my computer back! This was the last time I talked to Jake, he asked me for my BB pin and told me to talk to him sometime and I never did, and then he never talked to me again. Nothing really interested happened, but I got my schedule for my Junior year, and I traveled to Cape May.

September: Junior year started, new classes, new classmates, new teachers, new everything. But the only thing that was not new, it was me and it felt awesome. This is the month where I met Sam and I had on a crush on him, which didn't really last that long. I really felt like I finally was part of that school, even if I had to walk those hallways alone. I also had my second oral presentation for history, and I was wreck of how nervous I was.

October & November: Nothing really happened, but it was an amazing month. I got an A+ for the first time ever on my essay, which was pretty cool. Even if nothing interesting happened, it was a good month, I just enjoyed every single day of my last months in America.

December: Well, the countdown begun. There were some issued with my parents, but I did not let that ruined my perfect year. It was a bittersweet month, I couldn't really believe I had only a month left. This was the month were I lost the bus like once a week, and it became traumatic for me because my dad would get pretty upset, but at the end of the day, it was funny. I started volleyball with my gym class, and I loved it! Not just because playing volleyball was fun, but also because I loved this class. Only 16 kids, any of them were popular athletes, which made it less awkward or intimidating, and they were all nice people. Then I found out about that kid in Argentina who likes me, and who knows, maybe something interesting might end up happening with hi, so far it is not important, but maybe in a couple of months it is going to be a big deal.

And that was my year. Maybe each month alone was not that important, but the year as a whole was amazing. I've grown like I had never grown before in my life.

Waterfall of Feelings

So this is it. I have the ticket to go back to Argentina on January 25th. It feels like a waterfall. Like thousands of emotions are coming out of nowhere. But there is no turning back, now the decision is made, and I gotta deal with it, because I made it, and I know that even though I never understood why I made it, there's a reason for it. I know that God or destiny or whatever decided to put that thought in my head, to make that decision, and to see what happens next. But what people don't understand is that just because we had the freedom of choosing, doesn't mean that it is going to be easy to pick one option and move on. Sometimes, having our own future in our hands, is way harder than letting someone else decide for you.

People can't understand how it feels either. My friends tell me that I'm being dramatic, and I am not going to talk about this with my family because they are going to think I'm just being bipolar. I always bothered everybody saying that I wanted to live in the States, and when I finally came here, I also bothered everyone saying that I was missing Argentina and that I wanted to go back. But there's something that I want to make clear: just because I'm sad about it, just because I don't see Argentina as I used to see it when I came here, does not mean that I am hesitating, or that I'm thinking about staying. No. I made my decision, and I'm going to stick to it, like I said thousands of times. But obviously any of my friends had to make a decision like this one in their lives, in fact, they have no idea what this whole experience is about, so how can I expect them to understand how I feel? I can't tell them that when you have to pick between two things that you love, just because you chose only one, doesn't mean that you are not going to miss the other one, or that you love the other one a little bit less. No. It just means that you had to be strong enough to let the other option go, and that it hurts like an open-heart surgery without anesthesia.

I'm going to back, and it is going to feel like nothing happened; like it was just a dream. And I'm going to feel as lonely as I felt when I came here, when I didn't know anybody and when I had no friends. I am not saying their lives are not interesting or whatever, but they did what every single teenager does in Argentina. Yeah, they had fun experiences with each other, but that's nowhere near compared to living almost on your own in a complete different country, with a different culture, different language, different people... And I feel like I'm going to go back and everything is going to feel empty, because the adventure is going to be over. An adventure that I am not even going to be able to describe. And I'm scared that as time goes by, this experience will start to fade away, and feel more distant in the past. And who am I going to talk to?

I became a different person in a whole new environment. Now I have to go back and face my past, the people, the places, the moments, the memories... everything that I left behind. The thing is, I am different. I am not the 15-year-old girl who had no idea about the world or about real life. I grew up in different conditions, and while everything in my life was exciting for a year and a half, on January 25th, everything is going back to normal. Everything is going to be the same. The same teachers. The same places to hang out. The same stories to tell. And the same people, because yeah, they grew up in this past year too, but like I said, in a different environment. It is impossible to compare what I went through with what my friends went through in Argentina. I was trying to talk to one of my best friends today and she was stressed out about finals (in Argentina is the end of the year), so she didn't wanna talk and said that she had enough with I don't know which subject. Yes. My friends' biggest problems are studying for a final. I wish my life was that simple too. I'm starting to think how I'm going to do to say goodbye to my sisters, to my dad, to my step-mom, to my school, to my friends, to my house, to my routine, to my teachers... and they are worried because of one exam. And that's what scares me the most: going back and feeling like I wanna punch everybody in the face because of how dramatic they can be over small stuff. But again, I can't expect them to understand. Just like I am not going to understand some other issues that they had to go through while I was here (which in fact, as far as I know, are pretty simple issues too, lucky them). So in conclusion, the problem with this whole amazing experience of going to another country for a year, is that it kinda separated me from other people. Because now I'm obviously not just Argentinian, now I can feel my American blood going through my veins (my dad is American), which I never could. Now I am not going to be the person my friends used to love, and I am also going to see them in a different perspective. Just like it is gonna happen with everything, not just the people.

I know real friendship goes through it all. I know that no matter how hard it can get, we always survive. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly. I know that nothing lasts forever, so eventually I was going to have to say goodbye to America, just like I said to Argentina once. I know that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And I also know that nobody can't take your experiences and memories away from you, and as long as your hold them tight, not even time; in Argentinian words would be "Nadie te quita lo bailado". So by knowing all of these things, the final thing I know is that I'm going to be just fine. It is hard to see the positive side, and when you are really sad, you don't even wanna see it because you need to take all of the pain away from you, and sometimes the only thing that the positive side does is hide the pain away, making it bigger and bigger. So even though I know there's a possitive side, maybe all I need is to let my doubts and fears go.

But there's something that I promised myself before I made my decision about staying or going back. When I came to the States, I was weak. I admit it. I was the weakest person ever, and it took me a while to put some strength together. After that, I knew I was going to have to go through the same thing again, because no matter what I chose, it was gonna be hard to give the other option up. So I said: "Next time I'll be braver. I'll be my own savior" (Adele). And I promised to myself I was not going to cry myself to sleep every night, wondering what could have happened if I picked the other choice. I promised that I was going to deal with it, and be mature, and understand that just because I cannot connect the dots right now, doesn't mean that I wont be able to do it in the future. I promised I was gonna learn from this, and remember this for the rest of my life. And that's what I will do. So I'll cry for a few minutes whenever I need to, because it is ok to fall sometimes, but I'll get back up again, and be a skyscraper like Demi Lovato, and cope with it. Enjoy every minute of these two months that I have left, and no matter how much it hurts to go back, say Hello to Argentina with my heart open. Because I can waste time complaining and being worried about everything, but the truth is that we only live once, and we don't know when this beautiful life is going to end, so why bother crying and being sad? As long as we BELIEVE, and have faith, everything is going to be alright.

At the end of the day you gotta ask yourself "Was it worth it?", and I'm sure that you are going to say "HELL YEAH", even if you cried for months, even if it was the strongest pain ever, because behind every single wound, there's a good story to tell. You get your heart broken after loving with all your soul. You break your leg after giving everything in you for a soccer game. You lose your voice after screaming for hours during a concert. You spend hours studying  for the pleasure of getting a good grade. And that's what life is about, as far as I'm concern. Every good thing brings a bad thing, just like every bad thing also brings a good thing.

January 25th

I have the ticket already. Just because I made the decision doesn't mean that it is easy to actually do it.

American Boys

Alright. So this is it. I am sick of this. Last week was this Mike whatever who kept texting me constantly. Now this new guy, who started talking to me as randomly as Mike, said that I am pretty and that he wants to get to know me. I mean, first of all, you don't say that to a stranger if you don't wanna creep the hell out of them; start being friendly first. And never ever say to some random girl that she is pretty and that you wanna get to know her (or at least do it in a super original way, without using the words "i wanna get to know you", that is just retarded). What you gotta do is talk to her, be friendly, flirt a little bit, but do not be that direct because that is just not natural. I know that's the way American guys work, but I am from another country where we do things differently, and this whole technique of telling a girl she is pretty out of nowhere is annoying me. Specially because it always happens with guys I don't like, and I would never ever like. Step by step boys, STEP BY STEP.

Guys should flirt with girls in a classy way, not trashy. And trashy is when they jump straight to the pool without even knowing if there's water in it. I mean, if you tell a girl without even knowing her that she is pretty and that you wanna get to know her, you have a small chance that she probably wants to do the same thing, but most of the time they are not going to be as interested as you, and by doing that creepy move, you are just making them feel waaaay less interested. You gotta know them first, without letting them know that you are trying to get to know them. You gotta do it naturally. You gotta be spontaneous, unexpected, funny, a little bit charming, and friendly. After that, you can tell the girl you like her, but do not give her your number when she hasn't asked for it, specially if she doesn't even seem to want your number.

So guys, let's try to make this a better world in terms of flirting and teen relationships. If you didn't really get my point, you should go to Europe or Argentina, where boys really know what they are doing, and know how to get a girl. Other wise, do not complain when girls say they want a British, Italian, or Aussie boyfriend.

But, I also gotta admit that sometimes, America guys can be the sweetest, cutest, and can maintain a real relationship for the longest time. And of course, American guys... ARE REALLY HOT. Right Morgan? Right Sam? Right hot-kid-that-I-saw-today-but-I-don't-know-your-name-yet? Right Kevin? Right Cody? Right dear seniors?

Proud To Take A Step Back

The end of the school year in Argentina arrived, which means I am technically not a junior anymore. In 4 months, I am going to walk through that door, knowing that it is the last first day of school ever.

Seeing pictures of the Seniors graduating and doing all of the cool things that they do in my school, make me stick to my decision of going back, and having the time of my life. Partying, enjoying life, having fun, making trouble, breaking out, being with my friends, and just being a teenager for the last year.

There are gonna be times where I am going to wonder why the hell I went back, but I'm sure that at the end, it is going to be worth it. My biggest fear about going back to Argentina is that I came to America to become true my dream of being an actress, and eventually, a director, and I feel that by going back and I making a step backwards. Like I am giving up those dreams for just a year with my friends.

But it is not just a year with my friends. It is also the memories. Memories that will stay with me forever. It is the year where I can let it all go. It is being a Senior. Enjoying school, because it will never happen again. It is going out to nightclubs every single weekend and getting completely drunk just for the hell of it. It is doing stupid things and laughing for no reason.

I need to understand that 2012 it is not the end of the world. It is just the end of a chapter in my life, and the beginning of a new one. I am dedicated to live my dreams next chapter, in the future, because there is still a lot of time ahead; I am just a kid. I need to learn how to wait, be patient, and enjoy what I have now. And life is giving me this chance of doing something that I will never regret, and that is now or never. I have my whole life to go to Europe, go to college, improve my knowledge in directing and producing, going to acting classes, moving to LA, etc etc etc. But all I have right now, is the last year of my youth. I always say I want to be forever young, but... it is stupid to say that if I never actually enjoyed being young because I always worried too much about the future, and planned to many things that never really happen.

So for the first time in my life, I am willing to dream with those normal things that are supposed to happen to teenagers. I am going to look forward to school, enjoy the annoying teachers, laugh with my friends, and just be 17 (my birthday is next March).

I am happy with the decision I made. I might be taking the easy way, I might be giving up, I might not be fighting with all I have, but I know that in the end, I am not going to regret it. And most important, why do I have to choose between my dreams and my Senior year when I can have both, one a time?

LIVE YOUR LIFE

PS: Sometimes you have to take a half step back to take two forward, just like people who run track take a few steps backwards in order to gain speed and then advance 1000 steps forward til they reach the finish line. 

"This Video Is Not Available In Your Location" BULLSHIT

Ok, first of all, Americans can't watch the X Factor from the UK, which is stupid, because their X Factor is better than ours. Second of all, we can't get One Direction songs, and now, we can't even watch their videos, and we have to wait for someone to upload them on youtube or something. THIS IS DISCRIMINATION. Besides, this is the USA, not the middle of Mongolia, people here want to watch this!

The In Crowd - Mitchel Musso

Spin away the combination for the last time.
Say goodbye to this year.
I wish I could avoid the empty summer days that await me.
They'll fake a smile goodbye, celebrating their new freedom.
I sit alone on the couch
Wondering why,

I wonder what its like to have it all
To never be afraid that I would fall
But I dont think I've ever known a time
That I was part of the in crowd

Here we go another day another disgrace.
Fall flat on my face,
I wish I had a bunch of money
Catch a plane head out west
Go on and play around
All full of the fans and freedom
I sit alone on the couch
Wondering why

Doesnt anyone here live an original life
What did you surrender to be on the inside,
When you disappear they wont remember your name
And you'll fade away and someone takes your place.

I dont need anything that I cant find in me
All my life, I have been, out of line, at the end
Waiting for something more something new to begin
Waiting for something more someway to fit in

An Exchange Student On Glee

Finally Damian McGinty arrived to Glee. My favorite contender of the Glee Project, that kid from Ireland with that amazing accent is finally on my favorite TV Show. And you have no idea how excited I was when he said that he was an foreign exchange student from Ireland, and when nobody could understand his accent, and when he felt lonely with no friends... I felt like Ryan Murphy finally created the perfect character for me.

In one scene he says something about loving America, and how he thought that everybody was unique and friendly, how people could easily accept some other individuals that are completely different. I thought the same thing, and I came to a place where people have no idea that there is a world out there, and that just because we have an accent or we grew up in a different country, does not mean that we are losers.

Today I saw myself on Glee, portrayed by Damian McGinty, and I really felt understood.

Now I hope fans of Glee can see how we, the exchange students from other countries, feel when we walk in those hallways, being pushed away by the rest of the students, and with the desire of being a  part of something.

Una de las partes más dificiles de la vida es decidir si alejarte o intentar un poquito más.

Today

It was a really good day to be a Monday. In English we are studying the medieval ages, which I love, so it was pretty interesting. Math was alright, kinda hard, but I get everything. In History we are studying the cold war, which I also love, I actually love European history in general. I sat in another table during lunch and it was pretty cool. I loved it. I sat with Eryn's friends, and they are in my grade, and they are all really cool, and we actually organized to go to the movies this Saturday to see Paranormal Activity 3. One of the girls has a car and her license, so she is going to pick us up, and we are going to have a GNO. It is gonna be pretty cool. In Astronomy we are doing this project about telescopes, and it was really cool because when we had to form a group, I already had my friends, which does not usually happen. Then in Spanish I felt really good, I always do, of course. And in Italian we didn't really do anything, so it was also cool.

Anyway, my point is that I felt like I am part of the school now. Like I have more friends, like I know more people, like I belong somewhere, and that was what I was missing the most about Argentina, feeling like I belong in that place.

Life's A Climb... But The View Is Great

September, 21st. Better known as the last day of summer in the US. But waaaaay better known as the beginning of spring in Argentina (and the south hemisphere).

Exactly one year ago I was just moving to America, and I was going through the hardest time ever. The beginning of the spring in Argentina was the worst: my friends were over there, finishing the school year, partying every weekend, going to the pool, and hanging out all the time. And I was here, missing everybody, crying everyday, without friends, not getting used to the school, and freezing. Knowing that I could had been there with my friends having the time of my life was killing me...

The spring came here, and time went by... and I started to get used to America and to miss Argentina a little bit less every month. Eventually I got used to my new home, and then summer came. Everything was cool. But now spring arrived to Argentina like every September, 21st. And of course, the fall came to New Jersey. I was expecting to get some kind of crisis and freak out and cry and all of those things that happened to me last year.

My friends were all partying together, they didn't have school, they went to a night club, they were drunk, they were just enjoying life, and I was here. They were all saying "you should be here!" and that's when I realized that I didn't wanna be there. Surprisingly I was happy here: YES, in school. YES, nervous about a presentation for history. YES, the fall was coming. YES, I'm not partying. YES, I know I don't have as many friends as I had back there. But yesterday, while I was jogging around my neighborhood, I realized that I am happy the way I am.

I'm starting to feel like I grew apart from my friends and from everything that they are used to do. While the most exciting thing they have over there is to go to nightclubs, I am here living a life time experience. They have no idea what's going on outside their world, and they think that hanging out with friends is everything that this life has to offer. And I used to be like that, that's why I cried for months when I came here.

Today I am proud of myself. I almost gave up back on November, and something told me I had to stay. I almost decided to go back on July, and something again told me I had to stay. Now I'm happy, and I look back and I see everything that I have accomplished in this past year. It was hard and it was frustrating in some situations. But today I'm glad to say that I am happy, despite all of the things that I am constantly complaining about.

I sacrificed a million things, a million other adventures, for just one experience. And believe me, it feels awesome to see how far I have come. Now I finally realize that all of those parties and afternoons with my friends were not even as good as what I experienced here.

What I want to tell to everybody that is reading is that... sometimes we wanna give up, sometimes things are so hard that we just cannot keep fighting. I went through the darkest of times last year, I used to cry every night holding an Argentinian shirt. But no matter how much I wanted to go back, I kept on walking, I did not stop. And here I am, happy and glad I did that.

This is one of those moments where I listen to "The Climb", and I understand that feeling, because even though I am not on the top yet, the view is starting to get pretty good.

10 Years