Necesitaba irse lejos para volver a empezar

Red Carpet Season

So the red carpet season has officially begun, and it is my favorite time of the year. Actually, it is my favorite time of the year when I'm in Argentina because right now it is the summer there, which means my life is all about vacations, friends, warm weather, an of course, the awards. I get obsessed with the dresses, the interviews, the speeches, the winners, the faces of the losers, the inappropriate jokes, and of course, the talent. But the real reason why I love the red carpet season is not because I love Hollywood, it is because it reminds me of my dream. It reminds me why I want to be an actress and a director, it encourages me to keep fighting for it no matter what, and it makes me feel like I can do it. Throughout the rest of the year I kinda forget, and I start looking for other dreams to accomplish, but the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and the Academy Awards, remind me who I want to be, and where I want to be; that I love acting more than anything else. Many people watch these awards to see the dresses and the stuff I mentioned before, and I kinda do that too, I mean, Vera Wang, Dior, and Zac Posen are reason enough to spend two hours watching the red carpet, but for me that's nothing compared to the moment when the presenter says the name of the winner. I just can't explain it. I can sorta feel how they feel and I dream that one day, that's gonna be me. Winning one of those awards is definitely the biggest and greatest goal in my life and in fact, I'm already preparing my speech, I've been doing it for 10 years actually and I'll keep on preparing it for the rest of my life until the presenter says my name and I get to say it in front of these talented people. I don't know when or how it is going to happen, but I feel like if I still have the same dream after so many years and after all I have been through, then I can still fight for it and accomplish it.

I don't want to be in Hollywood to be famous, I want to be there to be talented. I don't wanna be the most beautiful actress, I just want to be the most respected one. I don't care about having millions of fans, I just want to be able to make people cry or laugh with my performances. I don't care about knowing every single celebrity, I just want to work with good directors and actors like Woody Allen or Martin Scorcece. My dream is not about being in Hollywood anymore, now it is really about acting and being good at it, and that can be seen in my decision of going back to Argentina. I live close to New York, I had the chance to go to auditions, but instead, I decided to wait. To wait and get better. To wait and see the world. To wait and grow up. To wait and go through different experiences. I am too young right now, and I want to know about life, about people, and about myself before I can portray different characters and pretend to be in different situations. And I think I made the right choice. Next time I come to NY, I'm going to be ready to go to the best acting school, and do all of the things that I need to do to get to the top.

But always remember... AIN'T ABOUT HOW FAST I GET THERE, AIN'T ABOUT WHAT'S WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE. IT'S THE CLIMB. And that's the first thing that comes into my mind when I'm watching the awards and when I'm watching the winners giving their acceptance speech. I used to dream about making it to the top as a teenager, but now I realize that as much as I would love to be in Los Angeles right now partying with Clooney and Pitt, it is not the right time for me in every single aspect. So I want to do the right thing, go step by step, and enjoy every minute of my life without thinking too much about the future, and someday, without even realizing how I did it, I know I'll make it there.

The Best Is Yet To Come

This is the first time in my life that I feel like this is really going to be a good year. I feel like many good things are coming and that 2012 is going to surprise me. Let's say 2011 was not as fun as I thought it was going to be, so I'm willing to just enjoy my senior year like it is the last year of my life. I love the fact that it is supposed to be the end of the world because I know it is stupid and not true, but at the same time it is another reason to party like crazy and enjoy every second of this year.

I am going to remember 2012 forever, because I know it is going to me magical and unique, I can feel it. So I'm going to set a goal and a resolution this year, just one. For the first time in my life I am not going to write a list of 101 things I want to do before 2013 or anything like that, all I'm gonna do this year is:

BE HAPPY.

That's it. I wanna be able to do everything I wanna do. Kiss every guy I like. Hug every friend I love. Have long conversations with my mom. Spend time with my family. Learn. Party like crazy. Drink a lot of alcohol and get totally wasted. Just do whatever I wanna do, wherever I wanna do it, whenever I wanna do it, with whoever I wanna do it. Just be happy. Follow my heart. Enjoy. Laugh. Smile. My goal is to be happy and do whatever it takes to achieve it. I think Senior Year is a year where you are actually allowed to behave like crazy, to be irresponsible, to do whatever you want, because it is the last year of my teenager years (even though I am obviously forever young). College comes in 2013 and life changes, you become an adult, you gotta study way harder, everything gets complicated, more responsabilities, blah blah blah.

So like I said a few months ago, the world might not end of 2012, but a part of my life does. Maybe the Mayans were not that wrong, they kinda got it right with me. So I'm going to enjoy. And I know everything is going to go right. And the best thing of all, is that I have never been so sure of my decision of going back. I can hear my heart telling me that it is the right thing, and it makes me feel so, so happy! For the first time I know that not having a plan is exactly what I want. Maybe things are not going the way I planned, but guess what... they are even better. I know going back it is going to be worth it. I feel like if I had chosen to stay, this 2012 wouldn't feel so amazing and so exciting, it would feel like another year to fight for that dream that I don't even know if it's what I really want. Maybe my decision of spending this year with my friends having fun is not going to lead me to success. I know I am not giving up the things I should give up to become who I wanna be, and maybe this decision will influence in my destiny forever, but I don't care. I wanna get to the top knowing that I enjoyed every single minute of the climb, instead of getting there and feeling like I couldn't even enjoy the view.

Live to the fullest. Enjoy this 2012. Have hope and faith. Be happy. Regret nothing. Smile and laugh as much as you can. Give tons of love away even if they don't love you back. Dance under the rain. And remember, life is a climb, and the view is great.

Laugh At Yourself.

I have once heard a quote that is something like "laughing at your self solves all of your problems". In time I've learned that it is true. Laughing at your own mistakes instead of suffering for them is the best thing we can do in this life. And it reminded me of Sandra Bullock. One night she won worst actress at the Razzies Awards, she went there, took the award, and gave a speech. She was the only actress in Hollywood who did this along with Halle Berry. Only two, out of more than 20 actresses, went and faced it. Because sometimes we have to admit that we didn't do our best, and some other times well... we need to admit we really did suck. Are you gonna run away from criticism? Are you gonna pretend you didn't recognize it? No, just go there and learn from it, and do it better next time. Laugh about it with the rest of the people, and show them you are not scared of failure. It is always better to try and suck at it rather than never know what could have been. So I really respect Sandra Bullock for going there and just joking about it. That is one of the things I respect the most in this society where everybody wants to be better than everybody else. And you know what's the best thing? The next day, Sandra won the Academy Award for BEST ACTRESS. It is amazing how life is showing the world by this event that we learn from mistakes, and we always get better.

So just laugh at your mistakes, and improve them. The result might not come in a matter of one day like in Sandra's case, but eventually you'll realize how much you have learned.

"There's a reason why you are not walking on the moon right now. And it is because you belong here"

Scared & Fragile

I think that what hurt me the most about my parents fighting was seeing how mean and aggressive they can get. We grow up thinking that our parents are perfect, that they are the best persons in the world, and of course we don't expect them to do what they did to me over the past few days. Maybe it is not a big deal, maybe I am overreacting. But the truth is that I am in shock. I just can't look at them in the eyes after everything they said, not because they fought and they involved me, but because I could see a whole new side of them, not as parents, but as normal persons. And I figured that if my own parents can do what they did to each other and to me, then what am I supposed to expect from the rest of the world? And that scares me, and I feel fragile because every little thing can break me down. I feel like my parents are strangers to me now, which also makes me feel lonely and alone, like I just don't know anything.

Parents are the base of our lives. That base needs to be stable in order for us to grow up healthy and happy because that base is what supports everything. In my family, that base broke long ago, but somehow, we could all bandage some of the damages, and that's how I grew up. But I never said anything, and I always tried to deal with it, along with a lot of things that happened throughout my life. Now that I saw my parents fight like that, I felt like that base broke again, but this time, I didn't have anybody to rely on because my own parents were the enemy, not fate, not hard situations, not other people... but my parents. And I exploded, because I'm also trying to deal with the fact that I'm leaving in less than 2 months, and with all of the doubts and fears that I have about my future. So breaking that base messed everything up. And I have this ball of feelings inside my chest, filled with sadness, hate, pain, disappointment, fears, insecurities, and questions. I wanna scream and run but I can't. It just makes me angry and mad.

I am just scared. And I feel weak as hell.

Waterfall of Feelings

So this is it. I have the ticket to go back to Argentina on January 25th. It feels like a waterfall. Like thousands of emotions are coming out of nowhere. But there is no turning back, now the decision is made, and I gotta deal with it, because I made it, and I know that even though I never understood why I made it, there's a reason for it. I know that God or destiny or whatever decided to put that thought in my head, to make that decision, and to see what happens next. But what people don't understand is that just because we had the freedom of choosing, doesn't mean that it is going to be easy to pick one option and move on. Sometimes, having our own future in our hands, is way harder than letting someone else decide for you.

People can't understand how it feels either. My friends tell me that I'm being dramatic, and I am not going to talk about this with my family because they are going to think I'm just being bipolar. I always bothered everybody saying that I wanted to live in the States, and when I finally came here, I also bothered everyone saying that I was missing Argentina and that I wanted to go back. But there's something that I want to make clear: just because I'm sad about it, just because I don't see Argentina as I used to see it when I came here, does not mean that I am hesitating, or that I'm thinking about staying. No. I made my decision, and I'm going to stick to it, like I said thousands of times. But obviously any of my friends had to make a decision like this one in their lives, in fact, they have no idea what this whole experience is about, so how can I expect them to understand how I feel? I can't tell them that when you have to pick between two things that you love, just because you chose only one, doesn't mean that you are not going to miss the other one, or that you love the other one a little bit less. No. It just means that you had to be strong enough to let the other option go, and that it hurts like an open-heart surgery without anesthesia.

I'm going to back, and it is going to feel like nothing happened; like it was just a dream. And I'm going to feel as lonely as I felt when I came here, when I didn't know anybody and when I had no friends. I am not saying their lives are not interesting or whatever, but they did what every single teenager does in Argentina. Yeah, they had fun experiences with each other, but that's nowhere near compared to living almost on your own in a complete different country, with a different culture, different language, different people... And I feel like I'm going to go back and everything is going to feel empty, because the adventure is going to be over. An adventure that I am not even going to be able to describe. And I'm scared that as time goes by, this experience will start to fade away, and feel more distant in the past. And who am I going to talk to?

I became a different person in a whole new environment. Now I have to go back and face my past, the people, the places, the moments, the memories... everything that I left behind. The thing is, I am different. I am not the 15-year-old girl who had no idea about the world or about real life. I grew up in different conditions, and while everything in my life was exciting for a year and a half, on January 25th, everything is going back to normal. Everything is going to be the same. The same teachers. The same places to hang out. The same stories to tell. And the same people, because yeah, they grew up in this past year too, but like I said, in a different environment. It is impossible to compare what I went through with what my friends went through in Argentina. I was trying to talk to one of my best friends today and she was stressed out about finals (in Argentina is the end of the year), so she didn't wanna talk and said that she had enough with I don't know which subject. Yes. My friends' biggest problems are studying for a final. I wish my life was that simple too. I'm starting to think how I'm going to do to say goodbye to my sisters, to my dad, to my step-mom, to my school, to my friends, to my house, to my routine, to my teachers... and they are worried because of one exam. And that's what scares me the most: going back and feeling like I wanna punch everybody in the face because of how dramatic they can be over small stuff. But again, I can't expect them to understand. Just like I am not going to understand some other issues that they had to go through while I was here (which in fact, as far as I know, are pretty simple issues too, lucky them). So in conclusion, the problem with this whole amazing experience of going to another country for a year, is that it kinda separated me from other people. Because now I'm obviously not just Argentinian, now I can feel my American blood going through my veins (my dad is American), which I never could. Now I am not going to be the person my friends used to love, and I am also going to see them in a different perspective. Just like it is gonna happen with everything, not just the people.

I know real friendship goes through it all. I know that no matter how hard it can get, we always survive. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly. I know that nothing lasts forever, so eventually I was going to have to say goodbye to America, just like I said to Argentina once. I know that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And I also know that nobody can't take your experiences and memories away from you, and as long as your hold them tight, not even time; in Argentinian words would be "Nadie te quita lo bailado". So by knowing all of these things, the final thing I know is that I'm going to be just fine. It is hard to see the positive side, and when you are really sad, you don't even wanna see it because you need to take all of the pain away from you, and sometimes the only thing that the positive side does is hide the pain away, making it bigger and bigger. So even though I know there's a possitive side, maybe all I need is to let my doubts and fears go.

But there's something that I promised myself before I made my decision about staying or going back. When I came to the States, I was weak. I admit it. I was the weakest person ever, and it took me a while to put some strength together. After that, I knew I was going to have to go through the same thing again, because no matter what I chose, it was gonna be hard to give the other option up. So I said: "Next time I'll be braver. I'll be my own savior" (Adele). And I promised to myself I was not going to cry myself to sleep every night, wondering what could have happened if I picked the other choice. I promised that I was going to deal with it, and be mature, and understand that just because I cannot connect the dots right now, doesn't mean that I wont be able to do it in the future. I promised I was gonna learn from this, and remember this for the rest of my life. And that's what I will do. So I'll cry for a few minutes whenever I need to, because it is ok to fall sometimes, but I'll get back up again, and be a skyscraper like Demi Lovato, and cope with it. Enjoy every minute of these two months that I have left, and no matter how much it hurts to go back, say Hello to Argentina with my heart open. Because I can waste time complaining and being worried about everything, but the truth is that we only live once, and we don't know when this beautiful life is going to end, so why bother crying and being sad? As long as we BELIEVE, and have faith, everything is going to be alright.

At the end of the day you gotta ask yourself "Was it worth it?", and I'm sure that you are going to say "HELL YEAH", even if you cried for months, even if it was the strongest pain ever, because behind every single wound, there's a good story to tell. You get your heart broken after loving with all your soul. You break your leg after giving everything in you for a soccer game. You lose your voice after screaming for hours during a concert. You spend hours studying  for the pleasure of getting a good grade. And that's what life is about, as far as I'm concern. Every good thing brings a bad thing, just like every bad thing also brings a good thing.

Reality & Fantasies

You know when you dream too much and then you forget that it is not real, and then suddenly, you wake up and realize that your life is not nearly as fun or as interesting as your aspirations? Well, welcome to my life. I have a whole other world in my head, and I forget about the real one, and sometimes I look around and see how boring and sad my life is. I don't live in Paris or London, I am not a famous actress or a successful movie director, I don't go to NYU, I am not dating Niall Horan or Liam Payne... I am nothing. All I have is a small town in the sububrs of New Jersey. Nothing else.

I try to understand the reason of those dreams, of those fantasies, of those parallel worlds that we create in our heads.  But I don't know if it is about understanding the WHYs of those desires, or creating a line separating them from real life. Dreaming is good. Dreaming too much is not that good. When is it enough? When are we supposed to say "go live your life", and when are we supposed to say "go find your lifetime dream" ? They say that our mind is powerful, the more you think about it, the more chances you have for it to happen. Now my question is... how do we create a wall between these worlds and how do we distribute the time we spend in them even? How do we keep control of where we are, without getting lost in one different dimension? Our dreams and fantasies should be kept inside a wardrowe, like Narnia, and whenever we feel like escaping from our lives, we can go there, open the door, and enter the hidden world that nobody else can see, just a for a few minutes.

The problem with dreams and fantasies, is that, just like every other pleasure, they are additive. We see a little bit of something we want, and we want MORE. And more. And more. And out of nowhere, we forget where we are, we lose power of our own life. We get caught up in a fantasy. And when we wake up, we realize that we have nothing at all, we just have memories of moments that never happened. 

But no matter how much we try, we can't avoid having dreams. We can't avoid those fantasies. And of course, we can't avoid reality either. I don't admire the people that live for what they have and enjoy what fate gives them... I admire the people that is able to dream too much, live too much, and make those dreams happen at the same time.

The problem is... waking up from those dreams and getting up from that bed, is always... THE HARDEST PART. But what we tend to forget is how beautiful it feels to live those dreams in real life. There is nothing more beautiful than saying "it felt so real".

"Surgeons usually fantasize about wild, and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a restaurant, we slice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in…

Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake, banished to the back of our minds, but sometimes, we’re sure if we try hard enough, we can live the dream.

The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better… That pain is bad, and no pain is better…

But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And there’s only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe, some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams" - Meredith Grey

Empty

Sometimes I feel empty; like nothing makes sense, nothing makes me happy, nothing motivates me anymore. I feel like I am walking the wrong way, and heading in the wrong direction. Like I am not where I am supposed to be, and it is my fault. Like this happened the way it was not supposed to happened, and I could not deal with it. I am what I always feared I was going to become. I though I could be stronger and wiser and braver, but I am not; I am just weak, like almost everybody else. I became what they said I was going to become. I fell and I could not stand up. I failed and I did not know how to fix the mistake.

I am lost and confused, and I don't know what to choose. I feel like I got caught up in my fantasies and dreams, without realizing that reality was right in front of me. I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I'm not worth it. Life gave me what I always wanted, and I could not find happiness in it, because that's who I am: I seek happiness in other places, instead of in what I have. I can never get enough. I don't even know what I want. I dreamed too much, and I did not make any of those dreams happen. And now, like a coward and lost girl, I am going back, even if it is not really what I want. Because the main problem is that I don't know what I want anymore, where I wanna be, what I wanna do, or who I want to become. I got lost, and I don't know how to get back in track. I feel like I am never going to make it, like I am going to fail because I am not special or important.

I cannot find happiness. I don't want to live in New Jersey, but at the same time I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back to Argentina, but at the same time I want to get my old life back. I just don't know what I'm doing. I can't find reasons, I can't find something to fill me with joy. I went to Manhattan today, thinking I was going to remember what dreaming feels like, and I did not feel anything. I felt even worse, because I realized that things are not going the way I wanted them to happen, and that I am never going to make it there. Life is just hard. And I feel empty. Like I have nothing, I know nothing, just... NOTHING. That's I feel. 

I want something different from what I have. I look at planes in the sky, wondering where that plane is going, thinking that maybe is going to the place where I will find what I'm looking for, even if I don't know what that is. And that's my biggest issue: I'm wasting time in this search, without even knowing what I am looking for. My life is based upon invisible things: I am in love with a guy I don't even know, I want to go to a place I've never been, I want to be something I am not, I want to do the things I can't, and I dream with things I don't even understand. So how can I be happy? How can I be happy with just fantasies and dreams and wishes? For years I've been living inside a world made of  broken promises, wishes that were never made, dreams that never came true, people that never knew me, lies that were never true, stories that were never told, places that were far away, and broken hearts. 

And now I'm here, LOST. Trying to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do in this life. Trying to find my place in the world, because so far, I feel like a tourist, like an Alien from another planet. Trying to understand why I am here, why I met the people I met, why I fell in love with the guys I fell in love with, why I dreamed with the things I dreamed... why. I am trying to find the reasons why my life is what it is. I need to understand what I came here to do. Why certain things happened the way they happened. Why I am here, writing this, breathing, alive. How did I get to be so lonely, and so confused. And why am I so unhappy if I have everything.

I need something else. And when I realize that there is something empty in my life, I try millions of things to fill that space with something: clothing, shoes, songs on iTunes, posts on this blog, more friends, pictures, etc etc. But that emptiness is still there, it just doesn't leave.

Name Of The Game - Grey's Anatomy

"A good basketball game can have us all on the edge of our seats. Games are all about the glory, pain and the play-by-play. Then there are the more solitary games. The ones we play all by ourselves. The social games, the mind games. We use them to pass the time to make life more interesting... to distract us from what's really going on. There are those of us who love to play games, any games. And there are those of us who love to play a little too much. So go ahead. Argue with the ref, change the rules. Cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free. Play as if there were no tomorrow. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game... right?" - Meredith Grey

 "It's more of a intellectual freak-out. A cognitive overload" - Packing For Mars, page 73

11/1/11

How can I get what I want, if I don't really know what I want?

So today it was 11/1/11 so I wanted to make a wish at 11:11 and when I thought about it, I realized that I don't know what I want.

First of all, girls usually like one boy and they are in love with him. I always say how much I like my boys, but there are 4 of them. I am not supposed to like 4 boys. I am supposed to stick to one. I wish Morgan was single, I wish Sam talked to me, I wish Mason lived closer, and I wish I could see Morocho again. I just cannot stop thinking about them, but at the same time, if I really liked one of them, I would not be crushing over the other ones right? Deep inside I know I want only one. Maybe I am scared to admit that I am still waiting for Morocho, and I know he is never going to come. Or maybe I know Sam will never talk to me, which is why I don't admit he is the one I really want. Or maybe it is Morgan, who is dating someone else. Or maybe it is Mason, but I don't wanna like someone on the other side of the world. So who is it?!

On the other hand, I am between two different worlds: Argentina and the USA. When I am in Argentina, I wanna be in America. When I'm in America, I wanna be in Argentina. When I am about to go back to the other place, I wanna stay. And when I still have a few months ahead in one of these countries, I wanna go back. So I did not want to wish for a place either, because I hate both, and I love both at the same time too.

At the end of the day, I should just wish to be happy, to accept life as it comes, to stop trying to look for the right guy, but wait for him to find me. To stop trying to go to different places and just enjoy one. To stop planning about the future if I've learned the lesson that nothing is like we plan it and to stop remembering the past if I know there is nothing I can do to change it or bring it back to my life. I should also realize that most of the time, those wishes that we make at 11:11 or at shooting stars, usually do not come true. It is a matter of fate, not a matter of chance. The thing is, I am ready for destiny to finally bring what I deserve. I am tired of waiting, I just want to find something that makes it all worth it. Something to look forward everyday. It doesn't matter if it is Morgan or Sam anymore. It doesn't matter if it is in Argentina or America or Europe. It doesn't matter if I am gonna end up being an actress, a director, or a freakin elementary teacher. Because no matter how it happens, I gotta believe that it is gonna be at the right time, at the right place, with the right person, and for the best reason. And maybe, just maybe, the right time is soon, the right place is Paris, the right person is Sam or Morgan or Morocho, and well... the reason is not hard to guess. Or maybe it is gonna happen in a thousand of years, with someone I don't even know yet, in the middle of Peru. But who cares. God always has a better plan, even better than the one we had for ourselves. And we gotta believe it is for the best reason.

So I'll stop making wishes. I will stop crying for the things that I do not have. And I will start smiling for the things I have right in front of me.

Well... at least I will try to do so.

Good Life

I am starting to realize how much I complain. How many hours I spend complaining about school, about people, about myself, about my parents, about the weather, about food, about my dogs, about my family... about my life in general. I complain, most of us do. It is easier to feel the bad side of something, instead of looking at the bright one. It is easier to say "I'm tired" in school, instead of "I am glad to be with my friends". It is easier to desire what we don't have, instead of looking at what we do have. It is easier to say "You don't know what you got til is gone", instead of accepting what life is giving us right now. It it easier to remember the past or make plans for the future rather than live for today. 

But sometimes I open my eyes and realize how beautiful this life is. How tough it can be sometimes, and how rewarding and enjoyable can be some other times. 

Life is not really about big things, it is about the small ones; those details, those little moments... about the situations that we did not even know where gonna mean so much to us.

With good music, lots of smiles, friends who make us laugh, mommies and daddies who love us, brothers and sisters who are always there, cousins who play with us, grandparents who cook for us, chocolate chip cookies, beautiful pictures, interesting books, romantic movies, a bright lipstick and nail polish, colors, the rain, the stars at night, cute boys, and many other things... how can we be sad?

We are young enough to say that this has gotta be a good life. WE ARE YOUNG. We can still dream, we can still act foolish, we can still make mistakes and blame it on the alcohol, we can dance Lady Gaga or rap Super Bass, we can eat until we explode, we can laugh until our stomach hurts... 

Stop complaining, smile,  embrace life with happiness. Look around, and no matter how hard things are going, you are going to realize and this is pretty amazing.

Una de las partes más dificiles de la vida es decidir si alejarte o intentar un poquito más.

you are way too young to be broken. you are way too young to fall apart. because when you stop and look around, this life is pretty amazing.

To Infinity... And Beyond

 
When I look at the sky at night, I wish I could see more than what it is shown, more than we can see from Earth. I wish I could see whatever is happening million of light-years away from here. Whatever is going on over there, it is beautiful, it is extraordinary, and sadly, we will probably never gonna get there, and we are never going to be able to experience it. We are not even able to see it with the naked eye. I hate that. My passion for the universe is too big to see only around a few hundreds of stars. I wanna see beyond that. I hate that God or Nature only want to show us a tiny part of the most beautiful thing ever made. And I hate it even more that technology makes it even worse. I live in New Jersey, like 30 minutes away from NYC, the only lights that I see in the sky are planes and the moon.


There is just so much left to discover, so much left to see, to experience, to feel, to love... there is just too much out there that we just don't know. We can imagine it, we can dream about it, but there are some things that we don't know yet, and some others that we will never know.

It is not just the Universe. It is life in general. We just don't realize how small we are, how insignificant we are compare to the whole creation of life or to whatever this is. Even the greatest minds like Einstein, Da Vinci, or whoever are insignificant in this 14-billion-year-old Universe, that has no limits, and that contains an infinite amount of stars, planets, galaxies, kinds of life, etc. How small are our problems compare to that? 

I wish sometimes we could just see the whole picture, like getting out of this Universe and see everything from the outside. I think we might get a whole new different perspective about life. I wish we could get out and see how small everything is, but at the same time, how important it is, and how much it matters.

When I go through a tough time, I just cannot see outside the box, and I get trapped. I end up dawning in a glass of water.  That usually happens because I don't know better. If I could just see how stupid that issue might be, or how beautiful life is, everything would be different. One of the main things I hate about certain religions, like Christianity, is how ignorant they are. It is just the way they ignore some things, and the fact that they love to ignore them. But then I realize that we are all like that. Just like the sky at night, there are times where we cannot see beyond our naked eye, and we do not realize how may beautiful things are out there, and we get stuck in those few hundreds of stars. If some people wouldn't have wondered about what's a little bit further away, we would know nothing. But one day, a bunch of smart guys decided to create telescopes, to investigate, to discover, to know better, to improve... and it is amazing what they found: millions of stars, new worlds, beautiful galaxies... they just found stuff that they never imagined they would find, and that they had never ever seen before.

I think the whole creation is the same thing in different scales. Inside every single thing we see, there are atoms, inside those atoms, there is a nucleus with electrons going around it, just like the planets go around the sun, and just like the sun goes around the Milky Way, and just like the Milky Way moves withing its Local Group of galaxies, and just like that Local Group moves throughout the Universe. The same thing happens in our bodies, there is blood that goes around our veins, going the same exact path over and over again, from the heart, to our bodies, to the heart again. This is why I always compare the Universe with life. They are the same thing, in different scales and with different characteristics, but at the end of the day, they are the same, created by the same thing, whatever you wanna believe in. No matter how long your life is, it is a big thing where you gotta discover stuff, learn about them, and learn from them. Life is probably the longest thing we are ever gonna experience, just like the Universe is the biggest thing we are ever gonna know.

So treat your life the way scientists treat whatever there is outside Earth, or even within the planet. Go beyond whatever you see, go to the unknown. It obviously takes time to find those beautiful and amazing things, but once you find them, you realize that they are worth the time you spent. Just picture a NASA scientist spending decades and decades looking at stars, seeing the same thing every night, feeling frustrated, until one night, he can finally experience a Supernova, or the creation of a Star, or a Nebula, or an UFO. Do you know how amazing that would feel for him? Well, look for the Supernovas of your life, for the Alien that will complete your existence, for the explanations that will answer all of your questions, for the planet that satisfies your necessities, for the star that makes you shine everyday, for the nebula that makes you happy. There are so many things out there that we just don't know, and that we are not even willing to find...

Remember: the sky is not the limit, it is just the starting line.