I HATE LOVE

Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless
That should send me runnin'
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something,
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you I know it's no good
And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow?
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

Afraid Of Love

I realized that I’m scared of boys. I want them when I don’thave them, and when fate finally brings them to me, I get scared and runaway.  It’s frustrating and it makes mehate myself.

What happened was something that anybody who reads my blogis going to believe: Mason asked me out to the movies. I don’t know if he didit on a friendly way or what, but he is showing pretty clear signs and I thinksomething might happen soon. He texted me, chatted me, he even bbmed me. The thing is… the moment when he asked me out,even though I got super excited on the outside, something deep inside startedto feel uncomfortable and I started to wonder if he is the guy I really want,if I really like him, if he’s what I think he is, etc, etc etc. Bullshit.Because I do like him, and even though he is not perfect, he is sort of what Iwant. The problem is that it scares the shit out of me.

The same thing happened with Jake. Months before he startedtalking to me I used to say he was the “perfect guy”. Then, out of nowhere, hefell in love with me and I started to have my doubts and I pushed myself tofind things I didn’t like about him. And of course, nothing happened, which ismainly my fault, because even though I always say he was the one who neverasked me out, I’m sure that even if he did ask me out, I would have foundexcuses not to go.

And then Mr X. Well, that’s a whole different story, buteven though I never really liked him, I did think he was also the “perfectboyfriend”, and then, also out of nowhere, the guy starts liking me and what doI do? Think about all of the reasons why I should not like him back.

So yes, I admit I am scared and that’s why I am foreveralone. But I know that deep inside I like the three of them, and I’m gonna haveto deal with my insecurities, other wise I’m going to miss out on three reallygood guys.  

“I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed.”

—	Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves

500 Days Of Summer

I had the chance to watch "500 Days Of Summer" million of times, but for some reason I never wanted to. I don't know why, it just looked like a weird movie.

Tonight, just like every Friday night, I was lying on my bed trying to figure out what to do with my night, in terms of which movie to watch or if I should eat M&M's or drink a coffee. Then I blogged about Morgan and how everything turned out to be exactly what I did not want to happen. And right after that, somehow, I decided to watch "500 Days Of Summer" and I have no words to explain how much I loved it.

Tom Hansen is the first male character that is a some kind of replica of myself. A Forever Alone, fate-believer, and obsessive romantic guy who just falls for this girl, Summer, too, tooooo hard. The problem is she doesn't believe in love, she doesn't want anything serious, and he respects that for a period of time. He is the perfect "buddy" for a while. They have fun, they laugh, and they are happy. Then he obviously gets sick of that, but still, she never really considers his feelings. Suddenly she starts acting differently, like she is not happy anymore with that sort of relationship they have. Then she breaks up with him and his life just breaks down. A few months later they see each other again at a wedding, and she acts like she still likes him and she invites him to a party. He goes, expecting to reconnect with her and get a second chance, but he instead, he finds out she is engaged. Yes, this is where the viewer hates Summer. What happened with her rejection to love and relationships and commitment? Why did she keep him waiting for her for so long if she was never going to make it serious, and then get married with some random guy she met? And then when he asks all of these things to her, she said something that of course, made me understand the whole movie: "One morning I woke up and I just knew it... what I was never sure of with you". She was not in love with him. The thing is, that doesn't mean it is the end, it is just the beginning. She found her match, one day, sitting at a park reading a book. And at the end of the movie, the viewer understands he finds his match too.

I've learned that "you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event". Yeah, it didn't happen with Morgan. Either with Jason, Jake, Cody, Sam, or the guy I met in Puerto Rico. And that kinda sucks, cuz it hurt a little bit. But I gotta look around, because I know that I am gonna find someone way better than all of them, who is not going to make me cry as much as these guys did. And that without Summer, Tom would have never met Autumn.

I've also learned that when you are in a relationship, you need consistency, you just need to know that one day they are not going to wake up and feel differently. No matter in which stage of the relationship you are, you just need to let the other person know that you'll be there. It might not last forever, but as long as you want to be with that person, whether as his girlfriend, friend, wife, or sex buddy, you need to let them know that you are not gonna leave. This is something Summer obviously doesn't do, and if you watched the movie, you might have realized that I quoted something Tom said to her.

I do disagree with something though: the idea of fate. The end of the movie says that there is no such a thing as fate. Well, I believe that depends. I'm a strong believer of fate, I would actually say it is my religion. And like Summer said, it was fate that she met that guy when she was reading the book at the park. And it was probably fate that Tom met Summer, fell in love with her, got heart broken, got encouraged to follow his career to be an architect, did not get accepted at any of the jobs he applied for, and finally went to that last interview where he met Autumn. Look at all of the things that had to happen for him to get to his final destination. Coincidence? It could be... but to be honest I'd rather believe I'm with someone because we are meant to be together, because the cosmos and God and nature did everything right in order for us to meet, rather than believe that I'm with someone for no reason at all. I mean, I want to believe that all of those times that I liked a guy and it did not work out was for a reason, that it was all part of a plan. I don't like the idea of knowing I cried for about 7 damn guys JUST BECAUSE. And what really matters is what we believe, because we will never find out who is the winner of the eternal battle between Fate and Coincidence, so whatever.

So anyway, I kinda just told the whole movie, but I do encourage you to watch it if you are the kind of person who is like me or Tom Hansen. Because sometimes we fall too hard for people, and it doesn't work, and we feel like it is the end of the world. But we need to learn that it is OK, life goes on, and if it didn't happen with that one person we thought we needed, it is because life is about to bring someone way better.

Tom: What happens if you fall in love?

Summer: You don't believe that, do you?

Tom: Well, it's love not Santa Claus 

500 Days Of Summer

I Got 99 Problems, But A Guy Ain't One

When a girl likes a boy and he is dating someone else, she tends to hate him and say he is a jerk. Why?

I was just telling my friend that I went to Morgan's girlfriend Facebook profile, and how he wrote all of these cute things on her wall, and how depressing it was to read that, and her response was: "he is a dumb ass". I had million of words in my head to say, but dumb ass or jerk or jackass were not one of those. Why do we blame HIM for our own unhappiness? Yeah, they are not the ones hurting us, it is the situation. It is the FACT that it didn't work out with us, that it was not meant to be, that we were not the right girls, that fate didn't let it happen, that he chose somebody else, that SHE is better than us for him, that HE loves HER, not us. But it is not his fault. It is life in general, because sometimes shit happens. Sometimes, the guy we are madly in love with, is madly in love with someone else. Sometimes, it doesn't work the way we want it to work. Sometimes life can kick is in the ass really hard. And it might happen once, or it might happen ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And what can you do? Blame HIM. You know... I got 99 problems honey, but a guy ain't one. It is not Morgan the problem, it is me. It is the fact that I hate myself for having the chance and not doing anything about it. For having him, right there, in front of me, single, showing me some signs, and letting it go. It is the fact that every time I like a boy, he has to end up dating someone else. It is the fact that I always get guys that I don't want. It is the fact that I am forever alone and the closest thing to a guy that I have is my new One Direction shirt with the names of Liam, Niall, Zayn, Louis, and Harry. And it is obviously the fact that no matter how hard I try to forget about him, it only takes one simple look to fall for him all over again. But none of those facts are Morgan's fault. He is just a sweet guy trying to be a good boyfriend to his girlfriend. And I am just... me. A girl that probably didn't mean anything to me, and never will. Because that's what I usually am to the guys I like: NOTHING. And that's what hurts the most.

Can I live without him? Of course. Life goes on. But nobody can take away that pain of seeing him in the hallways everyday and wondering what could have been, and that maybe, those sweet things in his girlfriend's wall could have been said to me.

But he... he is not a dumb ass. He is great, as far as I can tell. And that makes me feel even worse.

Dear John Kissing Scene

The problem is not that I can't live without you, because I can. I definitely can. I'll keep breathing. I'll keep eating. I know I'll survive. And that's the problem, because I'll wake up every single morning of my life, and you are not gonna be there.

"Mejor sola que mal acompañada, asi que prefiero estar sola esperando al principe azul, antes que acompañada por un sapo"

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” 

Bob Marley

No Strings Attached (For the first few months)

Last night I watched "No Strings Attached". I was not very exciting about watching it, because for some reason, this year there were like 4 movies about having a sex buddy and trying not to fall in love with him or her, and then of course, falling in love with him or her, and complicating everything, and then getting married and living happily ever after. So predictable. But I had nothing better to do, so I watched it and I ended up loving it.

 First of all, Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher make a great couple.

Second, I love the fact that they kept seeing each other without really trying, how fate kept bringing them together. First when they were kids, then at a party when they were in college, then in downtown LA at a random market, and then when he needed someone. Even though it is just a movie, it gives me hope that whatever is meant to be, will work out perfectly. 

Third, I love it how it all starts. They are just having fun, being friends, with no expectations at all. She is there to defend him, and he is there to just be with her.

Fourth, at the beginning they manage to have an amazing relationship: they are not dating, but they are there for each other, and they are just friends.

Fifth, even if they are not dating, he is the most amazing guy ever. I mean, when she has her period, he is there for her, even if he knows they are not going to have sex or anything, and he makes her soup and a period playlist. That's a MAN dude. That's what I call the perfect boyfriend.

Sixth, everything is so natural. They don't give a damn about looking good with each other and stuff. They say whatever they wanna say. They do whatever they wanna do.

Seventh, the viewer can relate to their characters and their emotions. I felt completely connected with both of them. I understood why she didn't want anything serious because I am like her; the kind of person who doesn't like romantic stuff and who is not good at communications. I also understood why he wanted to make a step forward, because he really liked her. And then I could feel the pain when she told him she missed him and he didn't say anything, and when she saw him with someone else. Believe me, I've been in that position, crying listening to Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis and eating like a pig, feeling like the world sucks without the guy I like.

And last but not least, at the end, after all they have been through, they know each other and they know they love each other because they cannot be without each other. EACH OTHER is all they need. And that's how it supposed to be. People usually make it all corny and cheesy at the beginning, and that can overwhelm the other person. You gotta go step by step. I love it how romantic it gets AT THE END, because after feeling his pain when she dumped him, and her pain when she saw him with someone else, the viewer can really feel the love between them, and that they are just meant for each other.

So yeah, this movie made me realize of what I'm looking for in a relationship and in guys. I mean, it showed me what I really want, and it helped me explain it and put it into words. Those 8 things represent the perfect relationship for me. Which is why I hate it when a stranger randomly tells me "You are hot, I wanna get to know you". Ok, WHOW. Wanna get to know me?! What the hell, say Hi to me first and then we'll see if I wanna get to know YOU. And that's something that happened to me with 3 guys in only one month. For some reason, I'm starting to take it not as an insult, but as some kind of disrespectful gesture from a guy. They think that a girl loves it when they tell her that she is pretty. But what about saying "Hi" first? We are in 2011, you don't have to tell a stranger that she is pretty, you can just like a few of her profile pictures and she'll get your point. I don't need a guy who thinks I'm hot, I just need a friendly guy who wants to talk to me because I look like a nice person. I feel like every time a guy starts a conversation by telling me I'm hot, they just care about how I look. And besides, I hate those kind of relationship. I hate it when it is obvious that the guy likes you. It is so predictable, and that's what I hate the most. Ashton Kutcher's character never tols Natalie Portman that she is hot, IT JUST HAPPENED NATURALLY.

So yeah, I'm gonna stick to this movie, and wait until a boy like that one comes to my life.

Merlin:Don't take gravity too lightly or it'll catch up with you.
Arthur:What's gravity?
Merlin:Gravity is what causes you to fall.
Arthur:Oh, like a stumble or a trip?
Merlin:  it's the force that pulls you downward, the phenomenon that any two material particles or bodies, if free to move, will be accelerated toward each other. But you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing.
Arthur:Greater than gravity?
Merlin:Well yes, boy, in its way... yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth. 

And knew the remedies for love's mischances, an art in which she knew the oldest dances

Back In My Head

With all of the new guys I met this year, I forgot about Morgan. But it only takes one simple look to realize that I miss him, and another look to see him holding hands with his girlfriend and realize how much I like him. And when I say that I miss him, I don't literally miss him, because we barely talked. I just miss those chemistry classes, where even though if I knew nothing was going to happen, at least I had hope. I could look at him, and have him RIGHT THERE. Now fate took us apart, and we have no classes together, but I see him all the times in the hallways. I try not to pay attention when he comes by, but sometimes I just can't. And today, I had him right in front of me for a while when we were walking in the hallways, and I realized that there is nothing I can do to forget him, and nothing I can do to have him either, because he doesn't just have a girlfriend: he really, really likes her.

It also hurts because I am leaving in two months, and probably nothing is going to happen. I had faith that for once in my life, the ONE that I really wanted was going to at least friend me on Facebook. And I had faith that God was at least going to give me the chance to have something with Morgan, after all of the things that I've been through in the past year. But as usual... things did not go the way I planned them. And now I'm going to go back to Argentina, never talk to Morgan again, never see him again, and just forget I've ever felt something for him.

And you know what hurts the most? Knowing that at some point, I did have a chance with him, and I just didn't know it. There was a day, somewhere in November of 2010, where he was right in front of me, giving me the chance to do something, and I don't even wanna remember what I did because it literally makes me wanna commit suicide.

My options are forcing myself to let him go, wait and cry until he breaks up with his girlfriend (which is probably not going to happen in the next two months), or just embrace the fact that whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly. Like my favorite quotes says: "If you really need him, fate will bring him back. It might no be soon, but he'll be back"

He has a girlfriend? So what? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score ;)

Heart Breakers ? ? ?

So here is something I want to clear up.

When you really, really like someone who is not interested in you, NEVER EVER say that your crush "broke your heart".

First of all, your heart is not literally broken.

Second, real broken hearts happen when you LOVE someone, not just when you are IN LOVE with them (there's quite a difference there). So if you didn't really have a relationship with that person, then it is not a broken heart, it is disappointment and sadness, but that's it.

Third, if that person barely knows you, or if that person doesn't like you, believe me, they didn't break your heart. You can't be upset with them just because they don't wanna talk to you, or because they like someone else. You can't say "bitches fucking people over these days" just because she is not answering the thousand texts that you sent her. She obviously doesn't like you and you should have realized that after the fifth text man. You can't say she fucked you over just because she doesn't like you, specially when she never showed interest in you, she was just being friendly, but that's it. It is not her fault. I like Sam, he doesn't like me, he ignores me, and I'm not saying he is an asshole because of that. He doesn't even know what the hell is going on, and he just doesn't care, and he didn't do anything wrong. We need to stop thinking that just because we like someone, that person MUST like us back. We have no right to say that someone "fucks people over" just because things did not go the way we wanted to go. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY GUYS.

I liked a lot of guys who did not like me back, and I never treated them like they were some sort of shit. No, I understood. I get the fact that sometimes life doesn't go the way we want. This kid texted me a hundred times. I texted back a few times, but I don't like him at all, so after a few days I just stop texting back for him to realize what my true feelings are, because I did not want him to think that we had a thing or something. He kept texting  "hey". He still does! And yesterday he wrote on his BBM Status "bitches fucking people over these days smh", and I know it is for me because he had "BBMed" me like a few minutes before and I hadn't answered. I mean, am I really fucking him over? I NEVER EVER showed interest, it is not my fault that I don't like him, and that he is an annoying immature kid who doesn't know how to deal with girls.


Grow up!

UPDATE: THE KID KEPT ON TEXTING ME. IN FACT HE SENT ME 3 TEXTS SAYING "LOLA LOLA LOLA LOLA LOLA" AND WELL, I HAD TO BE MEAN AFTER THAT. I HAD NO CHOICE, HE WAS ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME.

i wanna know what love is

Cutest Couple Ever