Out Of Control

So I'm leaving in three days. My life is a mess right now. First of all I'm stressed out and I feel lost because of the fact that I am moving to another country and that just makes me feel weird. Then I had to say goodbye to my whole family today, which was sad. Third, I still haven't packed yet. Fourth, I am tired, physically tired and I know it is because of how stressed out I am. Fifth, I've just talked to my mom and she didn't even ask me how I'm feeling about it and she was in some sort of bad mood. Sixth, I needed to talk to my dad about some school papers, and some other things that I need to get done before I leave and he was too busy playing a computer game with friends, and he told me leave the papers in the kitchen, that he was going to take care of them later, he pretty much kicked me out of his room. Seventh, my friends have no clue how this whole experience feels, and all they talk about is what we are going to do when I get there (even though it is a couple of days from today, I'm still on the other side of the world, I couldn't care less what I'm going to do when I get there, I'll see later). Eight, I need to talk to someone about all of these weird feelings, and nobody seems to care or understand. Ninth, my room is a mess, and that makes me feel even crazier. Tenth, my hair a is mess because I didn't put a special cream after shower, so I need to get it done before I go to bed, and that's gonna take me at least 30 minutes. Eleventh, I am still going to school until Tuesday, and I have some sort of quiz in math tomorrow. twelfth, before I leave I gotta go to the doctor and send my Argentinian exams. Thirteenth, on Tuesday is my dad's bday and I still haven't got him a card. Fourteenth, I need to go to the mall to Sephora to buy make up that I can't get in Argentina.

Overall, everything is out of control right now, and I don't know where to start to fix everything. I love traveling, but I hate this period of saying goodbye, packing, enjoying my last days, and those things. It stresses me out, and it is really sad for me to handle it alone. This time I promised myself to be strong, because this is the life I got, and it is divided in two whether I like it or not. I'm always going to have to say goodbye to one part of my family in order to say hello to the other part since my parents live in two different hemispheres, so I just need to get over that and stop crying every time I leave the States or Argentina, other wise I'm going to end up emotionally destroyed.

So well, I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up next week in Argentina. No more packing, no more goodbyes, no more hellos, just wake up in my normal life in Argentina because this is stressful as hell.

Well, I need to start putting my life together so goodnight.

"The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong. Now, I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind, deaf stone alone with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head"

Save Me - Nicki Minaj

I drove for miles
Just to find
You and find myself
All these screams
All these voices
In my head
You gave me strength
Gave me hope
For a lifetime
I never was satisfied

This time won't you save me
This time won't you save me
Baby I can feel myself givin up
Givin up
This time won't you save me
This time won't you save me
Baby I can feel myself givin up
Givin up

It's not your fault
I'm a bitch
I'm a monster
Yes I'm a beast
And I feast
When I conquer
But I'm alone
On my throne
All these riches
I came this way
All this way
Just to say hey

Una de las partes más dificiles de la vida es decidir si alejarte o intentar un poquito más.

The First Step Is Always The Hardest

I decided to forget about Sam, and that's what I'm doing. I stopped walking in the hallways where I know I'm gonna see him, I don't even look at him during math, I try not to talk about him, I don't look at him during lunch anymore, and I don't stalk him anymore. I feel proud of myself of how dedicated I'm being about it. I always said I was gonna let boys go, but I could never really do it. It's all about commitment. I committed myself to this, and now I'm doing it!

I posted a quote before this post that says: "To heal a wound, you gotta stop touching it". So I'm just gonna stop thinking about him, and PUF, someday, he is gonna be out of my mind for good. I mean, why would I bother waiting for a popular guy who only cares about popular girls when there are a thousand other cute boys? In fact, the day I decided to forget about Sam, this other cute boy started talking to me, and said I was hot. I don't know how I feel about him, but that's not the point. The point is that once you start working towards what you want, something good is gonna happen. In my case, another guy appeared. We can't always get what we want, but sometimes, we get something even better in return. 

So basically, the first step is admitting that you need to do something about it and start doing it, and I am already there. It is hard, specially because he is the funny kid of the class, and today he said something like "I'm happy I'm here. I was out yesterday. My fish died and I sorta had to take a personal day". I obviously could not ignore that: the way he said it was hilarious. Plus, he is really, really hot. And I love everything about him. Ok, enough. You got my point: I LIKE HIM. But like I said, I'm on the right track, and I know this time, I am gonna be strong enough. This time, I'll be braver, and I'll be my own savior. I'm not gonna wait for someone else to come and make me forget him. I'm gonna do it myself.

Hero - Mariah Carey

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are

There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
And you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold

You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Oh ho, Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yea

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time, you find the way, hey

Strength

strength

Like two weeks ago I mentioned the 8 laws that I have for myself, and I said that I was gonna write about each of them. I've already explained the first one: fate. Now it is time for strength.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will"

I believe that strength is something that we need each day of our lives. In every single situation we are going to feel some fear, experience adversity, and meet some enemies. Strength is not just what keeps us going... strength is what pushes us to overcome those fears, to experience adversity with attitude, and to meet our enemies without insecurities.

Strength lets us be ourselves, say what we wanna say, fight for what we want, do what we wanna do, go wherever we wanna go, talk to whoever we wanna talk to, and just do those things that life puts in our way every day of our lives.

Strength is like the fuel for our journey. There are gonna be days where we are not gonna be strong enough to keep going and we are gonna fall. The important thing is to know that it is OK to fall, it is OK to be weak sometimes; every single car runs out of fuel eventually. But it is also important to know, that we have to get up and keep going. And that's what strength is for: the energy to just keep on going even when everything else fails and when everything else is going wrong.