11/1/11

How can I get what I want, if I don't really know what I want?

So today it was 11/1/11 so I wanted to make a wish at 11:11 and when I thought about it, I realized that I don't know what I want.

First of all, girls usually like one boy and they are in love with him. I always say how much I like my boys, but there are 4 of them. I am not supposed to like 4 boys. I am supposed to stick to one. I wish Morgan was single, I wish Sam talked to me, I wish Mason lived closer, and I wish I could see Morocho again. I just cannot stop thinking about them, but at the same time, if I really liked one of them, I would not be crushing over the other ones right? Deep inside I know I want only one. Maybe I am scared to admit that I am still waiting for Morocho, and I know he is never going to come. Or maybe I know Sam will never talk to me, which is why I don't admit he is the one I really want. Or maybe it is Morgan, who is dating someone else. Or maybe it is Mason, but I don't wanna like someone on the other side of the world. So who is it?!

On the other hand, I am between two different worlds: Argentina and the USA. When I am in Argentina, I wanna be in America. When I'm in America, I wanna be in Argentina. When I am about to go back to the other place, I wanna stay. And when I still have a few months ahead in one of these countries, I wanna go back. So I did not want to wish for a place either, because I hate both, and I love both at the same time too.

At the end of the day, I should just wish to be happy, to accept life as it comes, to stop trying to look for the right guy, but wait for him to find me. To stop trying to go to different places and just enjoy one. To stop planning about the future if I've learned the lesson that nothing is like we plan it and to stop remembering the past if I know there is nothing I can do to change it or bring it back to my life. I should also realize that most of the time, those wishes that we make at 11:11 or at shooting stars, usually do not come true. It is a matter of fate, not a matter of chance. The thing is, I am ready for destiny to finally bring what I deserve. I am tired of waiting, I just want to find something that makes it all worth it. Something to look forward everyday. It doesn't matter if it is Morgan or Sam anymore. It doesn't matter if it is in Argentina or America or Europe. It doesn't matter if I am gonna end up being an actress, a director, or a freakin elementary teacher. Because no matter how it happens, I gotta believe that it is gonna be at the right time, at the right place, with the right person, and for the best reason. And maybe, just maybe, the right time is soon, the right place is Paris, the right person is Sam or Morgan or Morocho, and well... the reason is not hard to guess. Or maybe it is gonna happen in a thousand of years, with someone I don't even know yet, in the middle of Peru. But who cares. God always has a better plan, even better than the one we had for ourselves. And we gotta believe it is for the best reason.

So I'll stop making wishes. I will stop crying for the things that I do not have. And I will start smiling for the things I have right in front of me.

Well... at least I will try to do so.