Forget Him, Remember Me

Yes, time to admit it. What am I waiting for? He is a jerk, and he is not gonna change. Not now. I mean, if a guy didn't show interest in you the first few days, then it means he is never gonna be interested, specially if he made out with someone else when he had the chance to do it with you, or when he is online but doesn't even say hi. Then yes, he is a jerk. But I'm a girl, and I was taught with Disney movies that guys can prince charming, therefore I believe that every single one of them is a good guy, when the truth is, prince charming is one in a million. But I still have faith, so I hope, and I expect too much from these kids. Very innocent, actually. I think I should start paying attention to the signs life is giving me, showing that I should just lose faith in guys. And that's what's happening, I'm losing faith with every single broken heart, with every single jerk.

98% of it it's my fault, let's face it. I made out with him twice and then I thought he was gonna fall in love with me just because he gave me one of the most amazing kisses ever. That's stupid. He used me, I'm older so he thought he was gonna fool around with me and fuck with my feelings and emotions. And as far as I wanna kiss him again and give him another chance, deep inside I know that I gotta let him got before this is all too much. But it is not really about forgetting about him. It is more about remembering myself. Because I gotta love me more than any other guy will ever do. And he can grab my hand and kiss me and look at me with those beautiful eyes, but I have to be strong, and I have to say no.

Yesterday he didn't even say hi to me in school, how weird (sarcastic). That made me sad, after what happened on Friday night I just thought he was gonna have a little bit of respect for myself and come and say hi. But he didn't. It was frustrating and that pretty much ruined my day (and some other things too). When I came back home, my friend Nick gave me the most amazing piece of advice ever, and that was exactly what I needed to wake up from that dream where I thought Robert was a good guy. He told me that the guy is just a jerk, he's always been that way, and that I can never lose myself or stop loving myself for a guy like him. That I need to be a little bit harder on him, and make him fight for me and see if he is really willing to do it. Then I said that my biggest fear was that if I stopped being easy with him, then he would just leave, because no matter what an ass-whole he is, I don't want our last kiss to be out last. I still want more intense kisses. I don't wanna give them up. But my friend told me that I was being stupid, because if he wouldn't fight for me a little bit, then he is not worth my time, my tears, or my kisses.

And then I talked to Robert's friend, who is also my friend, and I was telling him that I decided to start having more dignity and only hook up with boys who show to be interested in me and who are willing to fight for it, and he said "oh, so let's dismiss Robert then", meaning that he is not that kind of guy, or that he is only interested in hooking up, nothing else. You have no idea how much that hurt. But at least now I know his friend is gonna tell him what I told him, and if he really wants me, he is gonna do something about it, which is what I hope, but do not expect at all. I'm sure he gonna be like "whatever" and he is gonna go find some other girl.

But you know, that's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but everything happens for a reason. It is sort of frustrating, but I gotta love myself first before I love anybody else. And if he is not respecting me, it is my fault, because I allowed him to do that. I didn't respect myself and therefore he was gonna do the same thing. But... I know he liked it. I know that it was a waaaaaaaaay better kiss that the one he had with the other girl. I mean, he is probably not gonna admit it, but I know he is gonna miss me on Friday nights. Like, seriously? 40 minutes making out without stopping. You have no idea how passionate was that. It was amazing.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the future anyway, but at least I committed myself to make him respect me and at least pretend to like me a little bit.

GIRLS SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE PRINCESSES. DON'T EVER LET A GUY DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WITH YOU.

And what do I want? I want him to need me.

PS: This post was half written when I was super sad and upset, and the other half when I realized I was being dramatic and that "it's me before dicks". you know what I mean?

I Got 99 Problems, But A Guy Ain't One

When a girl likes a boy and he is dating someone else, she tends to hate him and say he is a jerk. Why?

I was just telling my friend that I went to Morgan's girlfriend Facebook profile, and how he wrote all of these cute things on her wall, and how depressing it was to read that, and her response was: "he is a dumb ass". I had million of words in my head to say, but dumb ass or jerk or jackass were not one of those. Why do we blame HIM for our own unhappiness? Yeah, they are not the ones hurting us, it is the situation. It is the FACT that it didn't work out with us, that it was not meant to be, that we were not the right girls, that fate didn't let it happen, that he chose somebody else, that SHE is better than us for him, that HE loves HER, not us. But it is not his fault. It is life in general, because sometimes shit happens. Sometimes, the guy we are madly in love with, is madly in love with someone else. Sometimes, it doesn't work the way we want it to work. Sometimes life can kick is in the ass really hard. And it might happen once, or it might happen ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And what can you do? Blame HIM. You know... I got 99 problems honey, but a guy ain't one. It is not Morgan the problem, it is me. It is the fact that I hate myself for having the chance and not doing anything about it. For having him, right there, in front of me, single, showing me some signs, and letting it go. It is the fact that every time I like a boy, he has to end up dating someone else. It is the fact that I always get guys that I don't want. It is the fact that I am forever alone and the closest thing to a guy that I have is my new One Direction shirt with the names of Liam, Niall, Zayn, Louis, and Harry. And it is obviously the fact that no matter how hard I try to forget about him, it only takes one simple look to fall for him all over again. But none of those facts are Morgan's fault. He is just a sweet guy trying to be a good boyfriend to his girlfriend. And I am just... me. A girl that probably didn't mean anything to me, and never will. Because that's what I usually am to the guys I like: NOTHING. And that's what hurts the most.

Can I live without him? Of course. Life goes on. But nobody can take away that pain of seeing him in the hallways everyday and wondering what could have been, and that maybe, those sweet things in his girlfriend's wall could have been said to me.

But he... he is not a dumb ass. He is great, as far as I can tell. And that makes me feel even worse.

I love CLINIQUE

Just a quick recommendation to many girls out there: Use Clinique. It is amazingly good for your skin. I am using the soap for zits, the #3 lotion, and the cream, and in a quick 3-step process that I do around twice or three times a day, my skin looks beautiful. There are some zits that are hard to fight, specially because I am a teenager and I wear make up every day, but my skin is super soft, and it looks so good. I really recommend this, and the good thing is that it is not as expensive as many other brands, and it is still effective. I stopped using it for like 4 or 5 months, and now that I got all of the products again I don't even know how I survived without it. The soap and the lotion clean your face so well, and then the cream makes it super soft after the previous products. So if you are having issues with your skin, which most of teenagers do, I recommend you the 3-step thing from this brand. Don't even waste more money on some other Clinique products because it is not even necessary. Well, maybe the lotion for the eyes is necessary, but by just using the soap, lotion, and cream, your skin will be really good.

Period Playlist

Last night I watched "No Strings Attached" (Amazing movie by the way), and Adam (Kutcher) gives to her "sex buddy" a playlist for her period. Ok, first of all, if a guy makes a playlist for your period, marry him, because that's what I call a real MAN. Second of all, I realized that it is an amazing idea to have a few songs that include terms like: Red, Waterfall, Blood, Pain, Bad Mood, Sensitive, and stuff that can relate to those 5 days where girls usually want to kill everybody and hate the world. So I want to share with all of you those 20 songs, because I know that most of my readers are girls, teenagers, and get their period every month.

• Even Flow - Pearl Jam
• The Tide Is High - Blondie
• Red Red Wine - UB40
• Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
• I've Got The World On A String - Frank Sinatra
• Muddy Water - Johnny Rivers
• Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis 
• Here Comes The Flood - Peter Gabriel
• Red Rain - Peter Gabriel
• Waterfalls - TLC
• Red Red Rose - The Weepies
• Red Tide - Neko Case
• Why Does It Always Rain On Me? - Travis
• I Love Your Period - Dan Baird
• Just A Girl - No Doubt
• Here Comes The Rain Again - Eurythmics
• Everybody Hurts - REM
• Stormy Pinkness - They Might Be Giants
• Time To Flow - D-Nice
• Blood Is Thicker Than Water - Wyclef Jean

He has a girlfriend? So what? Soccer has a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score ;)

Heart Breakers ? ? ?

So here is something I want to clear up.

When you really, really like someone who is not interested in you, NEVER EVER say that your crush "broke your heart".

First of all, your heart is not literally broken.

Second, real broken hearts happen when you LOVE someone, not just when you are IN LOVE with them (there's quite a difference there). So if you didn't really have a relationship with that person, then it is not a broken heart, it is disappointment and sadness, but that's it.

Third, if that person barely knows you, or if that person doesn't like you, believe me, they didn't break your heart. You can't be upset with them just because they don't wanna talk to you, or because they like someone else. You can't say "bitches fucking people over these days" just because she is not answering the thousand texts that you sent her. She obviously doesn't like you and you should have realized that after the fifth text man. You can't say she fucked you over just because she doesn't like you, specially when she never showed interest in you, she was just being friendly, but that's it. It is not her fault. I like Sam, he doesn't like me, he ignores me, and I'm not saying he is an asshole because of that. He doesn't even know what the hell is going on, and he just doesn't care, and he didn't do anything wrong. We need to stop thinking that just because we like someone, that person MUST like us back. We have no right to say that someone "fucks people over" just because things did not go the way we wanted to go. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY GUYS.

I liked a lot of guys who did not like me back, and I never treated them like they were some sort of shit. No, I understood. I get the fact that sometimes life doesn't go the way we want. This kid texted me a hundred times. I texted back a few times, but I don't like him at all, so after a few days I just stop texting back for him to realize what my true feelings are, because I did not want him to think that we had a thing or something. He kept texting  "hey". He still does! And yesterday he wrote on his BBM Status "bitches fucking people over these days smh", and I know it is for me because he had "BBMed" me like a few minutes before and I hadn't answered. I mean, am I really fucking him over? I NEVER EVER showed interest, it is not my fault that I don't like him, and that he is an annoying immature kid who doesn't know how to deal with girls.


Grow up!

UPDATE: THE KID KEPT ON TEXTING ME. IN FACT HE SENT ME 3 TEXTS SAYING "LOLA LOLA LOLA LOLA LOLA" AND WELL, I HAD TO BE MEAN AFTER THAT. I HAD NO CHOICE, HE WAS ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME.

Grace

Grace was the name of that girl

The girl who left everyone begging for more

The girl who would make the others feel low

every time she walked through those doors

Her hair was straight like a blank paper

with golden stripes shining like the sun

Her eyes were blue and bright like the stars

captivating every guy's heart

She had confidence

She was the prettiest, and she had no doubt

How people felt about her

And how she felt about those guys

Girls wanted to be like her

Boys wanted to have her

Girls wanted to look at the world with those eyes

Boys wanted to own that smile

But Grace knew nothing

Grace was hallow and empty

Grace wanted to go further

Grace wanted to fly higher

She wanted to go beyond a simple grade

she wanted to have something better than bright hair

Grace was not happy like they thought she was

For her, beauty was not enough, it was just a simple mask

A mask to hide her feelings

A mask to hide her thoughts

A mask that would never show

the girl that she really was

She wanted to be like them

She wanted to know more

They would open their doors for her

But somehow, she could not go

This is for that one time when I posted something about those kids stalking me and sounded really mean.

Forever Alone II

Yeah well, apparently Mason is having a thing with a girl who is literally a whore. My friend saw them making out after school, but they are not dating, they were just hooking up, but whatever, it is kinda the same thing. On the other hand, I think Sam has a thing with someone else too, and even if he doesn't have a thing with anyone, he still doesn't give a crap about me, so same thing. Morgan is still practically married to that girl he was dating over the summer. Uhmm... I don't even talk to Cody anymore either. And now even Jake forgot about me and is dating someone. So yeah, I am the forever alone bitch.

The only person that talks to me are these weirdos. One of them invited me a few times to the movies, and invited me to grab lunch with him the other day. Is it so hard for him to understand that if I said "no" twice without re-scheduling is because I don't care about him? And then we have this other fucking creeper who stalks me, talks to me all the time, smiles at me like he is about to rape me, and tells me all the time that my profile picture on Facebook is pretty. At the beginning I was nice to him, but now I'm like "get the hell away from me".

Why do I get weirdos? Why do I get guys that I would never ever like? Even if those guys were the last men on Earth, I would rather die alone and virgin before giving these kids a chance. I know, I sound really mean. But I am tired, I am tired of this whole thing. I never get the hot guy, the cute guy, the sexy guy. I always get the weirdo who takes advantage of the fact that I am new and that I look like a nice person and starts creeping me out. They take advantage of me, and it is freaking insulting. Do I look like I wanna date someone as anti-social, creepy and weird as you? No! Why don't they go and ask the leader of the cheerleaders out? Because they know she is gonna reject them if they are not "normal". So that's when they think "oh, Lola is probably gonna say yes. She looks like she is nice. She wouldn't reject me". Seriously you jackass? Do I look stupid? Call me a bitch, you can say that my heart is like a rock, or you know what? You can say I don't even have a heart. I don't give a shit. I just want to get FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE the guy that I want. Not the ugly one who doesn't even have personality. (And don't get me wrong, when I say "normal", I mean a normal person. I love original people, I love outstanding guys, I love funny guy, I love unique guys, but between the limits or normality, you know what I mean?).

So I was watching the movie "Bad Teacher" with Cameron Diaz today, and the movies shows this nerd liking the popular girl who rejects him, and then Diaz said a quote that really helped me understand this whole thing:

"Okay, here's the deal, man. I cannot keep sugar coating this for you. This girl, is never gonna be interested in you. Never! You clearly have a rich interior life, with the poems and the whatever. But, she wants a guy like Ian what's his face! Ian Mental-bomb, the rapper? Yeah, he's a fucking mo-ron! But she doesn't care. She's superficial and her priorities are all fucked up! She likes him because he's hot dude. You...are sensitive. And that's not a compliment"  

Yeah, that's the thing. I like jerks. Jerks are hot. Jerks have this sneaky way of getting to your sensitive point. Somehow, they manage to say the right words that are gonna get ya. They are sexy, the look interesting, they look... they look like men. And I think that what most girls love, is to feel like a bad guy fell for them, like the hot guy is gonna become a good guy for them. And deep inside, they know it is not true, but they still like it. A relationship with those hot popular guys is like an adventure, we are taking the risk of getting hurt, of getting heart broken, and we love that. Yeah, I don't like poetry, I don't like it corny or cheesy, I don't like it romantic... I like it simple. I like it sexy. 

I am deeply sorry to all of those hearts that I broke. It was not my fault, just DON'T PUSH A GIRL'S BUTTONS. I don't care if I have to be single for decades, but I am going to wait for my Mason, for my Morgan, for my Sam, for my Jason. I am gonna wait for the guy I wanna have. I am not gonna be satisfied with the creepy one. No. I am gonna go get my hottie. Am I superficial? Maybe. Are my priorities fucked up? Yeah. Do I fall for hot guys? Hell yeah. And I don't care what anybody else thinks. But I reached the highest point of my calm side. Since 7th grade, awkward guys are asking me out and stuff. This is it. I am so not gonna get insulted by a bunch of weirdos. Hell no. I want to get the guy that I like. And you know what, hot guys are not always mean, or jerks. Hot guys also have a good heart. 

The thing is, I don't want a single candy. I want the whole box. And while I wait for the whole thing, I am not gonna enjoy the candy that fell from the sky. I am gonna fight for what I want. A cheap candy is never ever gonna be enough for me. 

 That's the reason why I am... FOREVER ALONE. 

PS: I sounded like a bitch the whole thing, and I hope someone can understand my feelings right now.

He genuinely doesn't give a shit

Alex: Connor's never gonna call you

Gigi: oh really? how do you know?

Alex: because I'm a guy, and that's just how we do it

Gigi: he said it was nice meeting me

Alex: I don't care if he said you were his favorite female since his mommy. The week went by ok Gigi? And he didn't call you

Gigi: but maybe he did call and I didn't get the message, or maybe he lost my number, or he is out of town, or got hit by a car, or his grandma died

Alex: or maybe he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again

She's only loved for two things. The first was her long dark hair, and the second, was how easily she could cut it of... and feel nothing at all.

“It's the boy you never told "I like you" it's the girl you LET get away.. It's the one you saw that day on the train but you freaked out and walked away..”

"I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and... I believe in miracles" - Audrey Hepburn

Lightweight - Demi Lovato

The slightest words you said
Have all gone to my head
I hear angels sing in your voice
When you pull me close
Feelings I’ve never known
They mean everything
And leave me no choice

Light on my heart, light on my feet
Light in your eyes I can’t even speak
Do you even know how you make me weak

I’m a lightweight
Better be careful what you say
With every word I’m blown away
You’re in control of my heart
I’m a lightweight
Easy to fall, easy to break
With every move my whole world shakes
Keep me from falling apart

Make a promise, please
You’ll always be in reach
Just in case I need
You there when I call
This is all so new
Seems too good to be true
Could this really be
A safe place to fall

Drowned in your love
It’s almost all too much
Handle with care
Say you’ll be there

Play With Me

Guys can make you the happiest person in the world. And they can also bring you down in a matter of seconds. Why would you give me a sign if you are not gonna care when I send another sign back? Why would you give me hope if you are not gonna do anything? Why would you even get involve somewhere where you are not even invited? Nobody asked you to do anything, nobody asked you to say anything, but you did. And now you left me wondering. Why would you even sow an idea in my head if you are not gonna do anything to make it happen? Yeah, play with me all you want, I'm a toy, I'm the kid of doll you can hug one second, and throw away when you get tired of her.

Guys are bipolar. And when their bipolarity gets mixed with my bipolarity, things get complicated.