Today I was talking to my best friend, Ramoncin, about my love life and boys and love and stuff. He made me realize how crazy I am. I've been taking all of the things about Sam, the guy from Puerto Rico, and Mason too serious. He told me to relax, and to stop feeling with so much intensity. When I am sad, I let the sadness take over myself, and when I am happy I let the happiness take over myself too. I don't know how to be relaxed, how to take everything easy, with calm, how to control my feelings. When a little thing happens, no matter how good or bad, I freak out, and it is whether the end of the world or the happiest day of my life. If Sam looked at me, I dance and jump for hours. If he avoided me, I cry and listen to Adele for a whole day. If Mason liked something on Facebook about me, I start to think he wants to marry me; if he didn't talk to me, I instantly think he doesn't like me anymore. What about taking everything with calm? How about if I stop freaking out about everything?
The problem is... being this heightened is part of who I am. It is not a physical thing, or a momentaneous emotion; it is my personality. I am known for being an intense person, and I don't know how to change that, because changing that would mean change my life style, my reactions, my everything. And I don't wanna change who I am, but I do need to relax, it's hurting me being so over-dramatic.
From now on, my goal is to take things easy. I know it is not gonna happen in one day or one month. It is gonna take a while, but I need to find a balance between who I am and what's normal and good for me. Getting obsessed with guys or other things it is not gonna take me anywhere. It is just gonna hurt me. I just gotta let it be.
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